Cutting In

On April 14th I went to the doctor and we discussed my options. I have been struggling with my weight for over a decade (that Throwback Thursday post really drove that home for me.)

To begin, I asked straight out "What are my chances of seeing 50?" The doc said: "Pretty good, your heart is good. 60? Not so much." That kinda puts it in perspective, huh?

Next, we talked about what I can do since apparently I have no discipline. We looked at drug options, nothing seemed worth the side effects. She mentioned hypnotism. When I stopped laughing, she revealed the expense and it seemed a lot for the possibility it might work.

Then, we talked weight loss surgery. I raised my fears. I've watched my friend go through it. I watched her have surgery after surgery. I watched her put weight back on. She is worse off after the surgery than before she started. I have another friend that has lost a ton after the surgery ... and now she is putting weight back on. I've heard of the ways you can cheat your surgery. I'm an addict - an addict will do anything to get their fix.

But, when it comes down to it, I'm 42, I'm scary heavy. It's not getting better. Gotta do something.

I have no idea how to pay for it. I talked with a few friends who tell me it's not as expensive as I thought. It seems like my last option.

The doc suggested getting serious about dieting and going to the gym. Think about the surgery. And she wanted to see me back in a month.

• The first week I screwed around. I was shocked to still weigh 450.
• The second week, I lost 6 pounds.
• Last week, I screwed around and I gained 7 pounds.

I went to the gym this morning. I see the doc next Monday. Next Tuesday I go in for a class on the surgery.

I can't believe it's this bad. But, it is. It just is.