First week @40

Sunday was my 40th birthday. Yeah, I'm old, whatever. I was "old" at 20 ... chronological age means nothing. You're as old as you feel, I feel like a dinosaur and always have.

It feels like I should mark this occasion. Celebrate my survival or something. But, in my case, my survival is simply staying out of the path of danger. I like to see risky situations from miles away. People that go to NASCAR make me cringe. Breathing noxious fumes may be worse than the possibility of a flaming race car tumbling into the stands - you can run from that, see it on-coming.

Beyond all of that, I've made some changes to my diet and lifestyle. I'm just hoping I can hold onto them. Today is the 9th. So far I have been to the gym everyday this month, save one, and even God rested on the Sabbath. My goal is to hit the gym every business day and most weekend/holidays. I went to the gym on my birthday!

I've also changed my gym habits. I'm doing more weight training. My boss, GmrGirl, is also my trainer and defacto nutritionist. (She can be your trainer, too.) We started getting me to do some lifting last week. She also ran my numbers when I began complaining that going to the gym and my 2000 calorie diet were showing poor results on the scale. Her point: I'm no longer sedentary. I need to eat. She wants me to do 3000 calories a day. Adding 1k of calories without adding carbs isn't easy!

My diet is now much larger. I've added an armload of fruit, less salads, more lean meat and I bought $150 of protein powder the other night. The easiest to find protein powder is Whey protein. Whey comes from milk. I'm lactose intolerant - so I figured this was a no-go. But, it turns out, the highest quality whey powder (and thus the most expensive) is also the lowest in lactose. That also makes it the lowest carb. So, I have two five pound jars of protein powder in my kitchen. Should last me a month or so the way I have been using it.

In short, lots of changes. I'm hoping, as always, to just keep the momentum. At this point, I might get on the scale toward the end of the month - maybe. My body is about to make some big changes if I can keep this up and not a lot of progress will show up on the scale. Two or three months from now, again, if I can keep this up, the scale will show drastic results ... or so I hope.

Disappointment & Anger

I know, long time since I've written out here.

And, I'm not looking for sympathy or advice, I just want to get this off my chest. Usually if I can write something out, I can figure it out. Or at least remove the drek so I can figure the rest of it out.

For those that don't know, I started a new job. Love the job for a lot of reasons. One of the cool perks about the job is that there is a gym right in the building. Good equipment and good showers - takes away a lot of excuses. Further, my boss, GmrGirl, is a professional personal trainer. Most of the team I work with is doing some form of fitness. It's a real pile of positive reinforcement.

So, yeah, I'm been dieting and working out for over a month. For my long time readers, you know that getting diet and gym together at the same time is pretty rare for me. I've been doing pretty good. Limited, minor cheats. I haven't seen a candy bar or a snack cake in well over a month. If I want sweet - I eat fruit. Low carb, lots of veggies. Two or so hours a week in the gym. I'm doing the treadmill for an hour at a time. Days between treadmill workouts, I've been doing more and more knee-push ups and ab crunches. I've tested my blood sugar every couple of days, haven't seen anything above 115. Really, I've been doing well.

I got on the scale a week or so after I started. 476 - no shock, that seems to be my "resting" weight. I decided to wait two weeks before I got back on the scale - I wanted a big number. I got 470. For a man that's used to drops of 10 pounds a week or more early in a diet, 6 pounds over two weeks seems pretty miniscule.

I decided to wait another two weeks. The gym thing is probably just balancing out the weight loss, right? Maybe I put on some muscle. (Felt like a lie, but it got me back to the gym, so, what the hell?)

This morning I got back on the scale. 469. Two weeks, one pound.

I'm angry. I'm disappointed. One pound. I had hope with how easy it's been to fall back into a diet and dive into the gym, that I would be able to hit 400 pounds by my birthday. If I'm only going to lose 2 pounds a month, I don't see that happening. I won't break 460 by my birthday.

Maybe I am putting on muscle, but MAN! - that's a lot of muscle, awfully quick. Seriously, even a normal dieter looking to lose 30 or 40 pounds can expect to lose one to two pounds a week. I need to lose 270+ pounds. I have huge fluid buildups my doc swears will depart as I exercise - I'm not seeing it. I'm on Januvia, which as we've seen before, results in large weight drops. Am I putting on five pounds of muscle a week? For a man with only 25% of the testosterone he should have, I find that unlikely.

And, OH! - The Dreadmill. The time passes more and more slowly every time I get on it. I spent four days on it this morning. I'm getting up at 5 AM, busting my hump, eating like a rabbit and I lost a pound in two weeks.

I'm tired, I'm angry, my feet hurt ... I just want to go crawl under my bed, even though I wouldn't fit.

Have no frets. I did the Dreadmill this morning. I am about to start the day with a big heaping Slim Fast bar. Lunch will be a salad - no meat - from BK. Dinner will be pretty much the same. Tomorrow will be similar. And the next day. I'm gonna keep going. I know it's the right thing to do even if the scale isn't showing it. I just prefer to see results for my efforts.

Disappointed

I stayed on the diet and put on six pounds. Terrific.

Friday, I had the shakes again even though I stopped for lunch while I was out delivering my papers.

I'm very confused. Are my portions too big? Too much salt? Not enough water? I certainly haven't gotten to the gym.

Disappointed … but not defeated.

I think my scale has issues.

Jumped on the scale this morning, looked down:

370

Yeeeeah. I don't think so. As much as I would love to weigh that, I doubt I lost 106 pounds in a week!

I grabbed the scale, looked all over it for a website or a RESET button or something. For being a scale that can weigh up to 660 pounds, it's a pretty simple device. Just 4 buttons. "Hold" will hold the weight so you can weigh multiple items and get a total. "Unit" switched between Pounds and Kilograms. There's an On - Off button and a button marked "Tare" - no clue what that did. No Reset of any kind.

I don't have the manual for the thing anymore - I'm sure there was one. There might have been one. Either way I don't have it. A series of web searches revealed that a) the MedWeigh company is in New Jersey (the sticker on the scale says Brooklyn) and b) MedWeigh does not have a web site or support of any kind. Great.

So, I went back and power reset the thing - when in doubt, fall back on old skills. When it came back up I tried weighing some water. 16 oz. of water weighs a pound, right? So, I gathered water in containers, about 224 ounces, 7 quarts - about 14 pounds. Scale said it was 11 pounds. Wrong!

Power cycled the thing again. The On/Off button is actually the On/Zero/Off button. If you hit this button it will zero out the weight. Thus, if you sit the scale on a slightly uneven surface, and it reads -8 pounds, you can zero that out and get an accurate weight. And that's about what happened. When the scale came back on, it was reading -8 pounds. So, I zeroed it out and tried the water again. It weighed 14 pounds this time. I got on the scale:

425

Again, I would love for this to be my weight. But, I doubt I lost 50 pounds in one week. Maybe the scale had been screwed up last week? Maybe I did weigh 425? My shirts don't fit like I weigh 425!

Then, something occurred to me: 14 pounds of water - in containers - would weigh more than 14 pounds. The containers weigh something. And, what the hell is "Tare?"

Tare
–noun
1. The weight of the wrapping, receptacle, or conveyance containing goods.

Hmmm … I went back to the scale, hit the "Tare" button and a tiny symbol on the display went away. Hopped on the scale; 465.

While I'm not a fan of my current weight, 465 is a lot more realistic than 370!

Regardless of all of this fun. I've stayed on my diet all week, including going out for dinner last night. I went shopping after dinner last night and just the thought of going near the baked goods area was repulsive. I love that! When this diet works, it works so well!

Breakfast has been waiting in the kitchen for about an hour - Ima go eat now!

Lessons Learned

Friday is my busiest day - which isn't saying much. My business is ramping up, but it's still pretty slow. It's been a very long ramp. Anyway, on Fridays I deliver my paper. I also felt inspired, I wanted to get some new places to distribute my paper. I aimed at three.

The day started well. I had some bananas in soy milk. I also made a concoction I'm kinda proud of - I found a coffee product that is surprisingly good. I've adopted the Pacific Northwest as my home, so I don't have/haven't found the Coffee Snob Gene. I'm more of a tea guy, if anything. I like the smell and taste of coffee, but not in large amounts. Bitter, over roasted coffee turns me right off. People say "French Roast" and I start looking for water, tea, coke - anything. Anyway, I found this Nescafe Suave stuff in the store. The label is in Spanish with English subtitles - how American! It's just instant coffee, but it's not as bitter. A big mug about half full of water in the nuker for three minutes, two spoons of this stuff, six packets of Splenda and fill the rest of the cup with Vanilla soy milk and you have a coffee drink I can get behind! It has a very nice caramel finish. Smells just incredible. It even looks pretty in the cup! It'll probably take me a year to get through the container, but not bad to stay on my diet and fill my odd, here and there coffee yearning. Certainly cheaper than a $5 (or more!) Soy Latte at some coffee place!

So, I had my bananas in milk and my cheapo latte, jumped in the shower and hit the road. I delivered here and there and then pulled into my first target: the Lakepointe Bar & Grill. It's a pub in Kenmore - that just recently started serving lunch - excellent. I walked in, walked up to the bar and caught the attention of the man behind the bar.

Barkeep: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'd like to distribute my newspaper here.
BK: Okay.
Me: Have you heard of the Coffee News®?
BK: Yup.
Me: (FIRST TIME this has happened! Everyone says "No") R-really? Can I put the stand up over there?
BK: Sure.
Me: Thanks!

I was so excited I totally forgot to ask the nice man's name. It was literally that easy. In December I was either being told the decision maker wasn't around and I could never get the decision maker or I was given the third degree - now people just don't mind. Sure, put it up right over there.

The next two new places were about as easy. Sure-right-over-there-thanks. Great. I got all three places I aimed to get and I ended the day with a grand total of 25 distribution points. Nice. The biz is doing well. It doesn't feel like I'm selling an empty bag anymore. Makes me happy.

As I got out at Pasion Tequila, the last restaurant I've added to my empire, I had that fuzzy & fragile feeling I get when my blood sugar is too low. Usually, I have some time when I get this feeling. I was nearly done, so I wasn't worried. I placed my new stand, got in the car and started driving. The fuzziness got worse - fast. Hmm … there was a Safeway up the street, I decided to stop in and get a snack, some Slimfast bars or something. I parked and walked in, the fuzziness getting worse. I decided on a small OJ, I hunted the store until I found some South Beach bars and I grabbed a large container of raisins. By the time I got in line, I could barely see straight. The lady at the counter was asking me questions and I was trying to talk and be polite and eventually I told her my blood sugar was crashing. She handed me the OJ and asked if I needed her to call anyone. She was nice, but I waived her off, telling her I was gonna go outside and eat the bars. I drunkenly walked to the car, drinking my OJ. I polished off two bars and the OJ and probably a cup of raisins. That wasn't fun!

So, lesson learned. The remainder of the bars are in the car and there they will stay. If I had gotten that fuzzy while driving, I'm not sure what would have happened. The next time I get that fuzzy feeling, I'm not going to wait - I'm going to eat something. That was scary and I don't want it to happen again. My Fridays are getting longer as I add more locations and it's a lot of activity; drive, get out of the car, walk, walk back, get back in the car, drive, wait in traffic, repeat 25 times. My goal is to have 50 distribution points, so this isn't going to get easier. This is the first week I've done this while dieting. I'm usually slurping on a full sugar soda after having a pile of fast-food. I'm going to start bringing a few snacks with me. I may even make it a Friday ritual to eat lunch at one of the restaurants I deliver my paper to - can't hurt, right? Just a salad or something, but some food none the less! Speaking of food, dinner is pictured there on the left - chicken breast stir-fried in olive oil with mushrooms and broccoli. (It needed ginger and soy - on my shopping list) That was a big bowl of food. I couldn't finish it. Snack for tomorrow!

All in all, a good day - even with a big bump in the middle. Now, if I can just make some sales ….

Getting Good at Starting Over

The title is a Foo Fighters lyric. I heard it tonight and it sounded about right for my life.

So, I moved out of the house I had moved into. I decided to do this a few months ago. When I told my housemate, she decided to sell the house. Luckily, I found a decent apartment and I'm living by myself again. Just moved Saturday, still lots of unpacking to do. This place is huge - a real value for the money. I don't know what to do with all the room.

I found out the reason I'm getting it at such a good price; the previous resident committed suicide. The building was built in 1964. Jay, the dead guy, moved in in '64. He kept all his leases, they found them when they cleaned the place out - he paid $68 a month for his first lease. He was a heavy smoker and had pets. One of the neighbors tells me the walls in here were just coated with nicotine, the floor was covered in hair. One of the people that cleaned the apartment said the place had only been painted a few times in those years. The neighbor tells me that Jay lit up a charcoal grill in the apartment and asphyxiated himself. They cleaned the place thoroughly, painted, installed new countertops, put in new carpet and new appliances. But, I can still smell cigarette smoke. I'm burning some incense to help. I'm the second tenant in a 45 year old apartment!

My business is starting to take off. I made my first sale a week or so ago and I have some good leads for a few other sales. If I can make three to six sales a month, I'm golden. At that level I'll never get rich but I'll pay the rent. I think I can grow this into something big.

That brings us to the reason for this blog: my diet. I dropped it in mid-January and didn't look back. I had a handful of excuses, don't I always? But, I knew once I moved out I'd make an effort to get back on and go back to the gym. So, here we are, Day Two. So far, blah-blah-blah.

I told a friend yesterday that if I can keep my business going and stay on my diet, in five years I'll be the man I want to be. My! How my dreams have shrank. At nearly 40 my idea of a good life is being a 200 pound mediocre salesman. But, yeah, that doesn't sound too bad right now.

I'm still playing the Lotto.

Weighed in yesterday. There are worse weights than 476, but I'd rather be the 419 I got to last summer. Now that I'm looking at the old ticker data, a year ago today I weighed 453, which would be better than where I am. But, it could be worse, about two years ago I weighed 495. If I'm starting over, I guess I'd rather be at 476 than 495.

I've spent so much money since I've moved into the place. I had an empty fridge and cupboards. I didn't even own salt & pepper. But, now that there is food in the house, I won't be eating every meal at a fast food place like I've done since January. That'll save some money. I can easily spend $10 on breakfast at a drive thru. I think all told today my food totaled less than $10, and I'm stuffed to the gills. Dinner is pictured there on the right. I'm back to my petite sirloins - that's one stir-fried with onion and mushrooms. It came out very tender! The side dish is steamed broccoli and I'm even using Smart Balance instead of butter - and not much of that! The steak was about $3, the broc was maybe a buck and that was the big meal of the day. I used to eat with chop sticks because I fumbled with them and I ate slower. That trick doesn't work anymore - I'm getting too good with the sticks!

I'll get back to the gym soon. I've been busy unpacking. I think by this weekend this place will feel like home and I'll give the gym a shot next week. All these months of paying for something I'm not using feels very stupid. Worse, I set a reminder that beeps my phone everyday to go to the gym - I have found a way to beat myself up automatically. At least that's what it feels like. Soon I'll be able to hear that beep and feel a sense of accomplishment instead of cold self loathing.

Yup, this is the beginning of the diet - I'm low powered and depressed. It will pass. Just want to stay on the diet this time for longer than 90 days!

Weekend Issues

Why is it I can be pretty good during the week but lose all control on the weekends?

So, this past week was an example of what not to do. Trips to restaurants involving large steaks. Large amounts of pizza. All kinds of bad deals.

If I'm out here talking about it, it means I haven't given up. I'm going to double my efforts.

That's it? Try again.

Only three pounds this week. For the average dieter with 20 pounds to lose, that's a lot in one week. I'm not average.

I had some portion control successes and food choice failures. Tuesday is a good example. I went out to eat with a friend. We intended to go someplace where healthy choices were possible. That proved impractical, so we decided for another healthy option. Three closed restaurants later we decided to eat what came to hand. A Fish & Chips place was across the street from the last closed restaurant we visited. I ordered Chicken & Fries. They gave me an extra chicken finger - I guess the guy thought he'd be nice to the fat guy - awww! However, when I sat down to eat, I don't think I ate half of what was there. I fill up pretty fast these days. So, had I been eating a salad, it would have been better, but even eating chicken and fries I didn't do too bad.

Friday night I went out with a friend and I did the right thing. She ate a calzone and a beer - I had a salad and water. She worried about eating the calzone in front of me, but I was satisfied with the salad. I need more nights like that and less days like yesterday ...

I hung out with friends and watched the Seahawks get the crap kicked out of them. I made the choice for a quick meal just to put something in the tank on my way over - an Ultimate Breakfast sandwich at Jack in the Box. You'll notice, even though it was a sandwich from a fast food place, it was only once sandwich, no fried potato things or soda. I drank water I brought with me. I should have grabbed a bar instead of the sandwich. I know better.

Anyway, once there, I made decent if not perfect choices. I had some of the veggies, some sliced meat, a little cheese … a few crackers and about six chips. It's football - chips are mandatory! After the crushing defeat, I decided to them help myself to a large slice of the cheesecake that had been paraded in front of me. About an hour later, I found the croissant sandwich left overs and a Thomas Kemper Creme Orange soda. While eating the sandwiches, my belly hit full and reminded me I was on the wrong side of the line.

Bad habits are hard to kill - that should be the title of this blog. At least I lost a few pounds this week. I'll be better this coming week and I will get back to the gym if it kills me. Better number next week!

Low Power

Fourteen pounds in one week. These big numbers always freak me out a bit, but whenever I bring it up to my doctor, she smiles and nods and tells me that's the way it should be. Between being VERY overweight and the Januvia, these numbers happen.

The first week of getting back on the wagon is always tough. I only got to the gym once. Quite a few times I felt like I just couldn't wake up and get going. Low calories, low carbs and no caffeine … it's no wonder, but it's amazing when you are going through it.

On Friday I had a bit of a gout flare up - my big toes and feet were hurting. However, the meds calmed it back down. I was impressed. I don't mind a little flare here and there, walking is the important thing.

I'm looking forward to this progress continuing. The fridge is full of good foods. I want to get to the gym more often this week. 399 here I come!

Here we go again ...

New year, thus, I'm getting back on my diet.

I'm sure no one is shocked. I'm appalled about that number up there; 476 - I can't believe I'm back up that high again. I'm discouraged that I have to get back on the diet. I just can't find a way to stay on a damn plan, develop a routine and get the weight off.

But, having said that, I realize I need to give myself a break. It's hard. My body is fighting against me. It's very easy to get fat, the other direction is damn hard.

Further, I am indeed getting back on the diet. I could have just said whatever and moved on, heading for an early grave, but I'm giving it yet another shot.

Today went pretty well. I had a Slim Fast bar for breakfast, got on the treadmill at the gym for a half hour, had a salad for lunch. Dinner was another salad with some baked chicken. Lots of water all day. I'm now snacking on a couple of apples. It's a small start, but it's something to build on.

I must admit, I'm ready for bed. With the almost no carbs, the walking, the lack of any caffeine and crappy sleep last night, I'm about to hit the sack.

I got to the store tonight for some good food items. I plan to hit the gym again tomorrow. I think I can get some place.