Getting Good at Starting Over

The title is a Foo Fighters lyric. I heard it tonight and it sounded about right for my life.

So, I moved out of the house I had moved into. I decided to do this a few months ago. When I told my housemate, she decided to sell the house. Luckily, I found a decent apartment and I'm living by myself again. Just moved Saturday, still lots of unpacking to do. This place is huge - a real value for the money. I don't know what to do with all the room.

I found out the reason I'm getting it at such a good price; the previous resident committed suicide. The building was built in 1964. Jay, the dead guy, moved in in '64. He kept all his leases, they found them when they cleaned the place out - he paid $68 a month for his first lease. He was a heavy smoker and had pets. One of the neighbors tells me the walls in here were just coated with nicotine, the floor was covered in hair. One of the people that cleaned the apartment said the place had only been painted a few times in those years. The neighbor tells me that Jay lit up a charcoal grill in the apartment and asphyxiated himself. They cleaned the place thoroughly, painted, installed new countertops, put in new carpet and new appliances. But, I can still smell cigarette smoke. I'm burning some incense to help. I'm the second tenant in a 45 year old apartment!

My business is starting to take off. I made my first sale a week or so ago and I have some good leads for a few other sales. If I can make three to six sales a month, I'm golden. At that level I'll never get rich but I'll pay the rent. I think I can grow this into something big.

That brings us to the reason for this blog: my diet. I dropped it in mid-January and didn't look back. I had a handful of excuses, don't I always? But, I knew once I moved out I'd make an effort to get back on and go back to the gym. So, here we are, Day Two. So far, blah-blah-blah.

I told a friend yesterday that if I can keep my business going and stay on my diet, in five years I'll be the man I want to be. My! How my dreams have shrank. At nearly 40 my idea of a good life is being a 200 pound mediocre salesman. But, yeah, that doesn't sound too bad right now.

I'm still playing the Lotto.

Weighed in yesterday. There are worse weights than 476, but I'd rather be the 419 I got to last summer. Now that I'm looking at the old ticker data, a year ago today I weighed 453, which would be better than where I am. But, it could be worse, about two years ago I weighed 495. If I'm starting over, I guess I'd rather be at 476 than 495.

I've spent so much money since I've moved into the place. I had an empty fridge and cupboards. I didn't even own salt & pepper. But, now that there is food in the house, I won't be eating every meal at a fast food place like I've done since January. That'll save some money. I can easily spend $10 on breakfast at a drive thru. I think all told today my food totaled less than $10, and I'm stuffed to the gills. Dinner is pictured there on the right. I'm back to my petite sirloins - that's one stir-fried with onion and mushrooms. It came out very tender! The side dish is steamed broccoli and I'm even using Smart Balance instead of butter - and not much of that! The steak was about $3, the broc was maybe a buck and that was the big meal of the day. I used to eat with chop sticks because I fumbled with them and I ate slower. That trick doesn't work anymore - I'm getting too good with the sticks!

I'll get back to the gym soon. I've been busy unpacking. I think by this weekend this place will feel like home and I'll give the gym a shot next week. All these months of paying for something I'm not using feels very stupid. Worse, I set a reminder that beeps my phone everyday to go to the gym - I have found a way to beat myself up automatically. At least that's what it feels like. Soon I'll be able to hear that beep and feel a sense of accomplishment instead of cold self loathing.

Yup, this is the beginning of the diet - I'm low powered and depressed. It will pass. Just want to stay on the diet this time for longer than 90 days!