Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Honesty & Accountability

It's time for everyone's favorite new game show Honesty & Accountability! And here is your host - and the only contestant - Jericho!


*Host Jericho*

Howdy, folks! Jericho here and welcome to Honesty & Accountability! On yesterday's show, our contestant Jericho was shocked and quite angered that he had put on eight pounds in seven days.


Audience Gasp!


*Host Jericho*

Oooooh! Yeah. He wasn't impressed with himself and frankly neither were our judges. And let's meet our judges! On our panel we have Mr. Jericho!

*Mr. Jericho*

Hi everybody! You all look just fabulous!

*Host Jericho*

Why thank you! Next on our panel we have Dr. Jericho.


Dr. Jericho nods sagely at the camera.


*Host Jericho*

Last but certainly not least, we have Steven Seagal.

*Steven Seagal*

The heart of a warrior is strength in beauty!

*Host Jericho*

Couldn't have said it better myself! Next, let's bring out our contestant. He's seriously over weight, unemployed, recently divorced and having a serious identity crisis - obviously! Here's Jericho!

*Contestant Jericho*

It's good to be back!

*Host Jericho*

So eight pounds in a week - that's a bit of a drag, huh?

*Contestant Jericho*

Yeah. My body does this now and then. I have a good weigh in, maybe two. Then, even though I'm still dieting and for no good reason - Bam! I put on a bunch of weight!

*Host Jericho*

Ouch! That hurts. But, we think we have a solution. Judges?

*Steven Seagal*

Your Chi is out of balance.

*Dr. Jericho*

Edema.

*Host Jericho*

Thank you Steven, but we discussed this before the show! The Doctor is correct - it's your edema. How was your edema last week?

*Contestant Jericho*

My feet looked great! My ankles were down quite a lot.

*Host Jericho*

And now?

*Contestant Jericho*

My right foot is puffy again. The skin on my ankles is itching - probably means they are up again.

*Host Jericho*

Correct!

*Steven Seagal*

Find strength in adversity!

*Mr. Jericho*

And stop wearing those horrid black New Balance! You would look fabulous in a Tony Lama or a Jimmy Choo!

*Host Jericho*

As we all know, "a pint is a pound the world around."

*Contestant Jericho*

I probably have a pint of fluid just on my right foot!

*Host Jericho*

Likely! How was your activity level last week?

*Contestant Jericho*

Started off good. Monday I walked around the mall for an hour. Tuesday I got out for lunch with a friend, then went grocery shopping. Wednesday I didn't do much, just a little walking at the mall then dinner at a friend's. Thursday I sat on my ass, same for Friday. Then ... oh dear! Saturday I had a job interview, so I treated myself to a big meal from McDonald's and then did nothing. Sunday I pretty much laid around, thinking about donuts.

*Host Jericho*

Sounds like the activity level dropped off quite a bit there!

*Contestant Jericho*

Wow. Sure did.

*Steven Seagal*

If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float past!

*Host Jericho*

Anyway ... Jericho! Here is today's bonus round question. Your health, sex life and overall happiness are riding on your answer. Ready?

*Contestant Jericho*

I'm ready!

*Host Jericho*

What is your activity plan for this week?

*Contestant Jericho*

Get out and be as active as possible?

*Host Jericho*

CORRECT!!! That's all the time we have. Tune in next week to continue to follow Jericho's progress right here on Honesty & Accountability!

*Steven Seagal*

And don't forget to watch me on Steven Seagal: Lawman, only on A&E!

5 comments:

MissyM said...

And the audience cheers wildly.

Anne said...

And certain members of the audience (namely lose2live) is squirming in their chair scared they're going to be pulled out for the second round of "Honesty & Accountability"

Unknown said...

You're quite entertaining. :D

Jericho Brown said...

Why thank you very much!

Oh, and come on back in a few days. I'm hitting the diet trail again hard and fast on Jan. 1. And I'm hoping to have a few diet buddies!

Veritas Feminae said...

"If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float past...?"

*laughs* Oh. My. (am wondering how your got Stephen Seagal to appear on your blog.) ;-D

FTR, I am really enjoying reading the various postings/blogs you have. And I keep laughing to myself, as I see more and more, that you and I have a lot in common.

For me: the optimal Deb-food is a mix of meats (lean), green veggies, and a very small amount of carb w/fiber (some fruits/tiny bit of treats). And very little sugar/sweets (as even the fake sugars make me want more, and my body's figured out how to do an insulin dump from the fake stuff. Doesn't happen w/plain iced tea or water, so that's ok).

And it is also a personal project of mine to 'condense' again this year (more muscle, less fat, and better cardiovascular system, feeling/moving better). last year, I worked out w/a trainer at the Y (program thru the SCCA), and got rather strong. And then I crashed my car, and had to stop while getting chiropractor stuff done. And I never went back to my 2-3x a week regime. :-P

For the new year, that is one of my goals: to get back into the 'eat well and exercise' thing, so I feel better.

Perhaps we can encourage each other? That'd be cool. :-)

>>goes back to reading<<