The Other Missing Year

Since, really, I'm the only one reading this, keeping track of what the hell is happening is just so that later on I can recall why I was having so much trouble.

The latter half of 2019 was pretty bad. 2020, the history books will recall, is completely worse.

I was diagnosed with Herpes in August 2019, I thought this would kill my sex life. It certainly hasn't helped, but, alas, the global pandemic foisted upon us by the Trump administration pretty much ended everything. I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm afraid to go on a date. Then, once I do break quarantine, then I have to deal with my Herpes fears, so, yeah, sex is a memory.

I started working from home in March. Only now do they have any real work for me to do. I've been having trouble concentrating, for a lot of reasons. But, it's getting better.

Then, in July, my Mother passed.

She was way too young. I wanted to kill everyone. Why?!

Once I somewhat recovered from that, I had to start dealing with wrapping up her affairs. This part may be worse than watching her die, at least that came to a speedy end.

So, yeah, I binged like there was no tomorrow.

A few weeks ago it occurred to me that this quarantine is going to keep going for a while. I need to stop the attempted suicide by fast food and maybe keep myself from dying young, too.

I'm back to keto. This is Day 23. It's going pretty well. I'm at 416 and my blood sugar is down. I stopped taking the Victoza months ago - I got tired of the constant diarrhea. Now I'm down to just two meds that cause diarrhea. Food is boring and sleep is hard to come by - believe it or not, those are good things!

Here's hoping I make it to Day 30!

The Missing Year

I'm a little shocked at the fact that I missed posting to this blog for over a year.

I shouldn't be shocked, 2019 sucked!

I guess the first half of the year was no worse than any other recent year. I'm still old, fat, bald and living in St. Louis. That's not great but it's nothing new.

May, June and July saw me doing better on my diet and going to the gym more frequently. I wasn't perfect, but I was getting better.

On Monday, July the 22nd, I got up early to go to the gym. I was excited that a new medicine, Victoza, was lowering my blood sugar. In fact I recorded my lowest blood sugar reading that morning at 158. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door. There was rising flood water in the parking lot. A hour later, the water, having entered my apartment, was gone. It had done very little damage to me, it had really damaged others. Regardless, my apartment was condemned by the city and I was evicted. Once again I had to come up with a down payment and am now paying higher rent. I am forever a nomad.

Needless to say, this left me spiraling out of control. Almost immediately my blood sugar was back up and I have yet to be able to recover fully.

In August, I went to see my doctor for my regular check up and I was overdue for an STD screen. My A1C was quite out of whack, but that ended up not being the worst news. I popped positive for HSV1 and HSV2 - Herpes. I immediately disclosed to all my recent partners. Several have tested negative since, which is a relief on one hand, but on the other hand it means I don't know how I got this disease. Having this disease also changed all my relationships drastically - understandably so, considering the stigma around the disease. This sent me into a serious emotional roller coaster. Early on there was even some suicide ideation. It would appear that my sex life, one of the primary drivers of trying to get healthy, is all but dead. I forgot anything resembling diet or exercise.

In December my Mom got sick. She's just now over that. I did a lot of running around trying to help her. I'm considering how I can buy a house and get her, literally lure her, to live with me. Moving once again.

It's only been since the first of the year that I have thought about getting my diet back together. After some false starts, I'm seeing success. I've lost a few pounds and my blood sugar is going in the right direction. As of yesterday, I am 419 pounds and at 176 on the BS meter, down from 427 and 238 respectively in November.

I went to the gym this morning and I have all my food packed for the day. I'm even looking forward to my homemade soup for lunch. Ever forward.