I'm great at beating myself up.
Sometimes I think a lot of the reason I am as large as I am is that I really don't like myself very much. Then, I think - why don't I like myself? After I fail to think of a decent reason, I then think that maybe my original thought is flawed.
But, for a guy that does not not like himself - I sure do a lot of damage to myself!
After my first encounter with the Wii, my tendinitis flared up. My ankles hurt for two weeks. I hobbled around my apartment for the entire time. I had to cancel various social events. Plus, I couldn't drive to go shopping, so I ended up ordering a lot of food - high carbs and salt! On top of that, I really didn't move for two weeks, so the edema on my legs got pretty fierce. Painfully so - my toes simply ached. First time my edema had gotten that bad. I felt terrible but not a damn thing I could do about it - so, I ate whatever I could get delivered and watched myself bloat up!
The last week or so has been a lot better. I can actually move and indeed I have moved whenever possible. I've even put in time on the treadmill and had my second work-out with the $300 dollars worth of Wii that I bought! The edema is down. I feel better.
However, there is always something to counter that, isn't there? Saturday I went out with friends. We went to see an outdoor movie. I knew I was setting myself up for failure, but my desire for social interaction out-weighed my good sense.
First, the movie was "Grease" - I like musicals but Grease has never done anything for me. I was going to hang with my friends, the movie could have been anything. Seattle Center is a great place - but parking is at a premium, it is Downtown after all. So, we parked and walked quite a ways. Nearly to where they were showing the movie, I just couldn't go anymore. Not only was it up hill (a very tiny hill!) but I really haven't moved that much in the last month. I had to stop my friends so I could breathe for a second. I was drenched in sweat and they were perfectly non-sweaty. I need fatter friends!
We get to where they are showing the movie. It's a large lawn. My friends spread out a couple of blankets and lay down. This was the moment I was dreading. I knew it was coming but it was worse than I thought. The lawn sloped downward. I knew I'd have trouble gracefully getting down, but with the slope I'm having visions of losing my footing, rolling over my friends, rolling all the way to the bottom of the slope, killing children, old ladies and homeless people on the way down!
So, I stood there. We got there about six. About seven, my back was hurting enough that I went ahead and lay down - but it wasn't graceful. No one died, but I pulled something in my knee on the way down. No shock - the human knee is not intended for that much pressure in that position! For the next hour I tried to get comfy and failed. I was worried about my knee and worse - I had to pee!
I got up. That's an understatement ... I willed myself upward and with herculean effort, I arose - and nope, it was not at all graceful. I looked like a complete idiot and felt worse. I went off to pee and then walked back toward where my friends were. The movie was about to start. There were a couple of benches WAAAAY off to the side. I parked my ass. I got a text from one of my friends asking if I was coming back. I explained about my knee - I wasn't in any pain, but I wasn't going to try another stunt like that.
So, that's where I sat - metal bench, couldn't quite see the movie, getting eaten by bugs - for two hours. The hike back to the car when the movie was done was something of a relief. I really like the people I was with and I was totally embarrassed. They want to go back to three more of these events. I told them; I have a TV and I have a couch. They are more than welcome to come over. We'll see.
It was such a simple thing: lay on the lawn. But, I'm so fat I can't even lay down! Oy! It's not like it was something athletic - it was laying down! How freekin' silly my life has become. How sad.
Anyway, the good news is that indeed I have been mostly good on my diet the past week. My weight above shows that. Not the lowest I've been this year, but not bad for a guy that didn't move for a month. Right now I need to go to the grocery store. Not exactly the 20 Minute Workout - but it's up walking around, making sure I have no reason to order large pizzas the rest of the week.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
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