Honesty & Accountability

It's time for everyone's favorite new game show Honesty & Accountability! And here is your host - and the only contestant - Jericho!


*Host Jericho*
Howdy, folks! Jericho here and welcome to Honesty & Accountability! On yesterday's show, our contestant Jericho was shocked and quite angered that he had put on eight pounds in seven days.


Audience Gasp!

*Host Jericho*
Oooooh! Yeah. He wasn't impressed with himself and frankly neither were our judges. And let's meet our judges! On our panel we have Mr. Jericho!

*Mr. Jericho*
Hi everybody! You all look just fabulous!

*Host Jericho*
Why thank you! Next on our panel we have Dr. Jericho.


Dr. Jericho nods sagely at the camera.

*Host Jericho*
Last but certainly not least, we have Steven Seagal.

*Steven Seagal*
The heart of a warrior is strength in beauty!

*Host Jericho*
Couldn't have said it better myself! Next, let's bring out our contestant. He's seriously over weight, unemployed, recently divorced and having a serious identity crisis - obviously! Here's Jericho!

*Contestant Jericho*
It's good to be back!

*Host Jericho*
So eight pounds in a week - that's a bit of a drag, huh?

*Contestant Jericho*
Yeah. My body does this now and then. I have a good weigh in, maybe two. Then, even though I'm still dieting and for no good reason - Bam! I put on a bunch of weight!

*Host Jericho*
Ouch! That hurts. But, we think we have a solution. Judges?

*Steven Seagal*
Your Chi is out of balance.

*Dr. Jericho*
Edema.

*Host Jericho*
Thank you Steven, but we discussed this before the show! The Doctor is correct - it's your edema. How was your edema last week?

*Contestant Jericho*
My feet looked great! My ankles were down quite a lot.

*Host Jericho*
And now?

*Contestant Jericho*
My right foot is puffy again. The skin on my ankles is itching - probably means they are up again.

*Host Jericho*
Correct!

*Steven Seagal*
Find strength in adversity!

*Mr. Jericho*
And stop wearing those horrid black New Balance! You would look fabulous in a Tony Lama or a Jimmy Choo!

*Host Jericho*
As we all know, "a pint is a pound the world around."

*Contestant Jericho*
I probably have a pint of fluid just on my right foot!

*Host Jericho*
Likely! How was your activity level last week?

*Contestant Jericho*
Started off good. Monday I walked around the mall for an hour. Tuesday I got out for lunch with a friend, then went grocery shopping. Wednesday I didn't do much, just a little walking at the mall then dinner at a friend's. Thursday I sat on my ass, same for Friday. Then ... oh dear! Saturday I had a job interview, so I treated myself to a big meal from McDonald's and then did nothing. Sunday I pretty much laid around, thinking about donuts.

*Host Jericho*
Sounds like the activity level dropped off quite a bit there!

*Contestant Jericho*
Wow. Sure did.

*Steven Seagal*
If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float past!

*Host Jericho*
Anyway ... Jericho! Here is today's bonus round question. Your health, sex life and overall happiness are riding on your answer. Ready?

*Contestant Jericho*
I'm ready!

*Host Jericho*
What is your activity plan for this week?

*Contestant Jericho*
Get out and be as active as possible?

*Host Jericho*
CORRECT!!! That's all the time we have. Tune in next week to continue to follow Jericho's progress right here on Honesty & Accountability!

*Steven Seagal*
And don't forget to watch me on Steven Seagal: Lawman, only on A&E!

+8 in one week.

I hate my body. Hate everything about it.

Doing Something Right ...

I'm not exactly sure WHAT I'm doing right, but it's real right!

Check it out ... 455! Woot! Forty five pounds down since January. I'm feeling good about that. I'm sure it could be more - but it could also be a Hell of a lot less! So, I've decided there is no reason to beat myself up and I'll just accept the 45 down.

I've been watching my diet. Although, I had a couple of cheats this weekend. No matter - just relaxing that "will power muscle" - I'm back to flexing it now.

My feet and ankles look better! I think a good portion of the weight I'm losing is fluid, the edema is coming off. My right foot, which two months ago looked like a caucasian football with toes, now looks nearly like a normal foot. The edema around my ankles is way down. I couldn't be happier!

I think I have finally hit a combination of diet, exercise, attitude and meds that works. It's alchemy and voodoo - but it's working!

I'm gonna get out of the house today ... just go walk around the mall or something. I'm a bit restless. (I think that's a good thing!) Anything to keep this going!

Exercising my Demons

Yeah, I know, long time. I've been good and bad about my diet. But, my meds were changed and it hurt me. My meds are back in order and I'm back on the wagon - since a week ago Monday. I didn't weigh myself Monday, I plan to weigh myself this coming Monday.

So, I have been taking the article I referred to a couple of posts back to heart. And it's gotten me thinking. We all make choices and changes in our lives, some good and some bad. But, I think sometimes we make changes and never see that we changed.

I've been heavy all of my life. But, when I was a kid - I walked everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. Back and forth to grade school - and it wasn't just down the block, either. Long walks to and from the bus and my job. We moved in high school, but my walk to school wasn't short and if I wanted to go anywhere else, it was a good walk to the bus stop - or an even longer walk to my destination. I can remember countless two hour walks to 7-11 for a soda and video games - there were at least five 7-11 within "walking distance" of my house.

My BFF (jeez!) Max can attest to these walks. He may have been a bigger walker than I was. Walks to 7-11 at all hours. Walks to and around the park and back at 3 AM just to have something to do. Drive to the mall and walk that for hours just looking at stuff, again, just to have something to do.

I did indeed once sit down and bounce a quarter off my calf - they were huge! I had trouble with pants, not around my waist, but getting them over my calves! (okay, the waist, too. Duh!)

But I was still fat. You see, and it's only now that I see this, I'd walk to 7-11, two hours round trip and I might have burned off 500 calories. But, I'd buy a huge full power soda, candy and/or nachos. There went any of the losses I might have made. If someone had changed my soda to diet - well, I would have likely gotten cancer from the huge amounts of artificial sweeteners I was in-taking, but I wouldn't have put on the weight I gained. Walking around the mall was great, but I had a cookie or two ... or six ... at Mrs. Fields and cheese fries or half a pizza down in the food court. These were the days I could polish an 18 inch deep dish pizza by myself and ask what's for dessert? Three or four slices was a snack! These days, four slices of pizza puts me in a carb coma!

Had I been looking out for my diet at the time, with the amount of activity in my life, maybe I wouldn't have put on all the weight. We were still poor enough that pasta and potatoes were big staples, but maybe I could have slowed the process.

Speaking of slowing processes, we come to the next phase. I moved to Seattle. When I first moved here, I kept my same pass times. I didn't have a car, so I walked to the bus, walked around malls, walked to the store, etc. I also kept up with the bad eating, and once I had cash in hand, it got worse. The weight added up.

When Steph moved in, we bought a car. So, I didn't walk nearly as much. Steph was also an easily accessible source of entertainment (get your mind out of the gutter!) - so, instead of walking around the mall just for something to do, we would go out to eat and then to a movie. We got concerned about our weight and had gym memberships for years - seldom used. As my job became more stressful, I found more and more reasons to lose myself in video games and TV. Not much movement here.

Tuesday, I was bored and restless. I went to the bank, then just walked around a grocery store. Nothing outlandish, just wasn't at home on the couch or parked in front of the computer. I also wasn't pouring snacks into my face either - I eat when I'm bored ... lonely, stressed, horny, satisfied ... you get the picture. Today, again with the restlessness. Maybe this is a good sign - a return of energy. The weather has been good for me, too. Cloudy, cool, a little rainy - my Seattle is back in swing!

Today I did something I haven't done in nearly a decade. University Avenue, called "The Ave," in the University District, is filled with shops and restaurants catering to the students on the University of Washington campus. I used to go explore The Ave once or twice a week. There was more for me to do there back then, I went regularly, walked for hours. And, yeah, I ate crap and drank crap - then ... today was different. I took the bus, something I haven't done since I lost my job. The most interesting area on The Ave is about five or six blocks long - covered in tiny shops and some big shops and restaurants - I walked up and down, looking in all the windows. I stopped into two real-life record stores. I thought those were extinct! I had a Diet Coke Zero. All told, I must have walked for two hours. Nothing stressful, just out DOING.

Now, I'm not happy that I spent five bucks to ride the bus there and back (I'm sure parking would have been more) so maybe I need to find something closer. But, I am happy to have been out, just out, moving. Instead of sitting on the couch watching my Red Dwarf DVDs for the 438th time! Eating low carb snacks and thinking, well, I could be shoving chocolate and cake into my face - this is better than that, right? I knew what I did today was better.

Besides, the new crop of college girls were CUTE! :)

Body Blow! Body Blow! K.O.!!!

I'm great at beating myself up.

Sometimes I think a lot of the reason I am as large as I am is that I really don't like myself very much. Then, I think - why don't I like myself? After I fail to think of a decent reason, I then think that maybe my original thought is flawed.

But, for a guy that does not not like himself - I sure do a lot of damage to myself!

After my first encounter with the Wii, my tendinitis flared up. My ankles hurt for two weeks. I hobbled around my apartment for the entire time. I had to cancel various social events. Plus, I couldn't drive to go shopping, so I ended up ordering a lot of food - high carbs and salt! On top of that, I really didn't move for two weeks, so the edema on my legs got pretty fierce. Painfully so - my toes simply ached. First time my edema had gotten that bad. I felt terrible but not a damn thing I could do about it - so, I ate whatever I could get delivered and watched myself bloat up!

The last week or so has been a lot better. I can actually move and indeed I have moved whenever possible. I've even put in time on the treadmill and had my second work-out with the $300 dollars worth of Wii that I bought! The edema is down. I feel better.

However, there is always something to counter that, isn't there? Saturday I went out with friends. We went to see an outdoor movie. I knew I was setting myself up for failure, but my desire for social interaction out-weighed my good sense.

First, the movie was "Grease" - I like musicals but Grease has never done anything for me. I was going to hang with my friends, the movie could have been anything. Seattle Center is a great place - but parking is at a premium, it is Downtown after all. So, we parked and walked quite a ways. Nearly to where they were showing the movie, I just couldn't go anymore. Not only was it up hill (a very tiny hill!) but I really haven't moved that much in the last month. I had to stop my friends so I could breathe for a second. I was drenched in sweat and they were perfectly non-sweaty. I need fatter friends!

We get to where they are showing the movie. It's a large lawn. My friends spread out a couple of blankets and lay down. This was the moment I was dreading. I knew it was coming but it was worse than I thought. The lawn sloped downward. I knew I'd have trouble gracefully getting down, but with the slope I'm having visions of losing my footing, rolling over my friends, rolling all the way to the bottom of the slope, killing children, old ladies and homeless people on the way down!

So, I stood there. We got there about six. About seven, my back was hurting enough that I went ahead and lay down - but it wasn't graceful. No one died, but I pulled something in my knee on the way down. No shock - the human knee is not intended for that much pressure in that position! For the next hour I tried to get comfy and failed. I was worried about my knee and worse - I had to pee!

I got up. That's an understatement ... I willed myself upward and with herculean effort, I arose - and nope, it was not at all graceful. I looked like a complete idiot and felt worse. I went off to pee and then walked back toward where my friends were. The movie was about to start. There were a couple of benches WAAAAY off to the side. I parked my ass. I got a text from one of my friends asking if I was coming back. I explained about my knee - I wasn't in any pain, but I wasn't going to try another stunt like that.

So, that's where I sat - metal bench, couldn't quite see the movie, getting eaten by bugs - for two hours. The hike back to the car when the movie was done was something of a relief. I really like the people I was with and I was totally embarrassed. They want to go back to three more of these events. I told them; I have a TV and I have a couch. They are more than welcome to come over. We'll see.

It was such a simple thing: lay on the lawn. But, I'm so fat I can't even lay down! Oy! It's not like it was something athletic - it was laying down! How freekin' silly my life has become. How sad.

Anyway, the good news is that indeed I have been mostly good on my diet the past week. My weight above shows that. Not the lowest I've been this year, but not bad for a guy that didn't move for a month. Right now I need to go to the grocery store. Not exactly the 20 Minute Workout - but it's up walking around, making sure I have no reason to order large pizzas the rest of the week.

What the Fat??

Apparently, exercise will not make you thin.

It's enough to make me want to give up!

Yo-Yo much?

Okay, I just don't get it.

I put on five pounds. I've been a good boy this week for the most part. I certainly haven't been a bad enough boy to earn five pounds!

I'm not going to let this discourage me. I've come a long way and I have a long way to go and this is merely a speed bump.

I'm really angry. I don't have anything else to say.