Jericho's Diet Log

Screw everything, except consistency.

2012-01-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have repeatedly failed to achieve success, so, it's time to change priorities. How's that for sounding like a politician?

I'm 40 years old. I weigh @475 (haven't gotten on a scale in forever) - the simple truth is that I may never be able to fix my body, repair the damage done. I could very easily have a heart attack tomorrow. My body is very messed up, as anyone who has read this blog is surely aware.

Constantly starting and ending diets and exercise programs, for whatever reason, is at best frustrating. It's likely doing more harm than good.

I need to find a simple, consistent routine. Routine gets a bad rap - but my routine, my bad habits, is what got me where I am. I think routine is the path out. A diet and exercise program that becomes routine isn't a diet and exercise program anymore - it's a life style change. Can you think of anyone more in need of a life style change than I?

This morning's Treadmill Revelations:

Food is not a form of entertainment.
Exercise is not a form of entertainment.
I get as many endorphins from a half hour on the treadmill as a half hour lifting weights and the treadmill is simpler - just walk.
Lifting weights is no more or less entertaining than the treadmill, see #2.
The goal, right now, is weight loss. The diabetes, the congestive heart failure, the sleep apnea - all of these are related to the 300 extra pounds I'm carrying.
When I weigh 200 pounds, I can care about finding entertaining exercise and general fitness. I'm a drowning man, worrying that my clothes are wet is a distraction.
I'd rather never lose weight than continue to stop and start diets and workouts because of sickness, injury, frustration, depression, blah, blah, blah. Eating a salad and thinking about my next workout is better than eating a candy bar and wishing I could lose some weight.
I'm sick and tired of the "I've just changed my diet and my body is revolting" aspect of dieting. Every time I start dieting or change my diet, my body decides it's time to camp on the couch, or camp in the bathroom! (As for the protein powder, well, it kicked off my gout. It shouldn't, but it did. There is some anecdotal evidence that I'm not the only one with this problem.)

Eat right, get on the treadmill - everyday. K.I.S.S.

First week @40

2011-11-09T14:25:00.000-08:00

Sunday was my 40th birthday. Yeah, I'm old, whatever. I was "old" at 20 ... chronological age means nothing. You're as old as you feel, I feel like a dinosaur and always have.

It feels like I should mark this occasion. Celebrate my survival or something. But, in my case, my survival is simply staying out of the path of danger. I like to see risky situations from miles away. People that go to NASCAR make me cringe. Breathing noxious fumes may be worse than the possibility of a flaming race car tumbling into the stands - you can run from that, see it on-coming.

Beyond all of that, I've made some changes to my diet and lifestyle. I'm just hoping I can hold onto them. Today is the 9th. So far I have been to the gym everyday this month, save one, and even God rested on the Sabbath. My goal is to hit the gym every business day and most weekend/holidays. I went to the gym on my birthday!

I've also changed my gym habits. I'm doing more weight training. My boss, GmrGirl, is also my trainer and defacto nutritionist. (She can be your trainer, too.) We started getting me to do some lifting last week. She also ran my numbers when I began complaining that going to the gym and my 2000 calorie diet were showing poor results on the scale. Her point: I'm no longer sedentary. I need to eat. She wants me to do 3000 calories a day. Adding 1k of calories without adding carbs isn't easy!

My diet is now much larger. I've added an armload of fruit, less salads, more lean meat and I bought $150 of protein powder the other night. The easiest to find protein powder is Whey protein. Whey comes from milk. I'm lactose intolerant - so I figured this was a no-go. But, it turns out, the highest quality whey powder (and thus the most expensive) is also the lowest in lactose. That also makes it the lowest carb. So, I have two five pound jars of protein powder in my kitchen. Should last me a month or so the way I have been using it.

In short, lots of changes. I'm hoping, as always, to just keep the momentum. At this point, I might get on the scale toward the end of the month - maybe. My body is about to make some big changes if I can keep this up and not a lot of progress will show up on the scale. Two or three months from now, again, if I can keep this up, the scale will show drastic results ... or so I hope.

Disappointment & Anger

2011-09-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I know, long time since I've written out here.

And, I'm not looking for sympathy or advice, I just want to get this off my chest. Usually if I can write something out, I can figure it out. Or at least remove the drek so I can figure the rest of it out.

For those that don't know, I started a new job. Love the job for a lot of reasons. One of the cool perks about the job is that there is a gym right in the building. Good equipment and good showers - takes away a lot of excuses. Further, my boss, GmrGirl, is a professional personal trainer. Most of the team I work with is doing some form of fitness. It's a real pile of positive reinforcement.

So, yeah, I'm been dieting and working out for over a month. For my long time readers, you know that getting diet and gym together at the same time is pretty rare for me. I've been doing pretty good. Limited, minor cheats. I haven't seen a candy bar or a snack cake in well over a month. If I want sweet - I eat fruit. Low carb, lots of veggies. Two or so hours a week in the gym. I'm doing the treadmill for an hour at a time. Days between treadmill workouts, I've been doing more and more knee-push ups and ab crunches. I've tested my blood sugar every couple of days, haven't seen anything above 115. Really, I've been doing well.

I got on the scale a week or so after I started. 476 - no shock, that seems to be my "resting" weight. I decided to wait two weeks before I got back on the scale - I wanted a big number. I got 470. For a man that's used to drops of 10 pounds a week or more early in a diet, 6 pounds over two weeks seems pretty miniscule.

I decided to wait another two weeks. The gym thing is probably just balancing out the weight loss, right? Maybe I put on some muscle. (Felt like a lie, but it got me back to the gym, so, what the hell?)

This morning I got back on the scale. 469. Two weeks, one pound.

I'm angry. I'm disappointed. One pound. I had hope with how easy it's been to fall back into a diet and dive into the gym, that I would be able to hit 400 pounds by my birthday. If I'm only going to lose 2 pounds a month, I don't see that happening. I won't break 460 by my birthday.

Maybe I am putting on muscle, but MAN! - that's a lot of muscle, awfully quick. Seriously, even a normal dieter looking to lose 30 or 40 pounds can expect to lose one to two pounds a week. I need to lose 270+ pounds. I have huge fluid buildups my doc swears will depart as I exercise - I'm not seeing it. I'm on Januvia, which as we've seen before, results in large weight drops. Am I putting on five pounds of muscle a week? For a man with only 25% of the testosterone he should have, I find that unlikely.

And, OH! - The Dreadmill. The time passes more and more slowly every time I get on it. I spent four days on it this morning. I'm getting up at 5 AM, busting my hump, eating like a rabbit and I lost a pound in two weeks.

I'm tired, I'm angry, my feet hurt ... I just want to go crawl under my bed, even though I wouldn't fit.

Have no frets. I did the Dreadmill this morning. I am about to start the day with a big heaping Slim Fast bar. Lunch will be a salad - no meat - from BK. Dinner will be pretty much the same. Tomorrow will be similar. And the next day. I'm gonna keep going. I know it's the right thing to do even if the scale isn't showing it. I just prefer to see results for my efforts.

Disappointed

2011-05-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

I stayed on the diet and put on six pounds. Terrific.

Friday, I had the shakes again even though I stopped for lunch while I was out delivering my papers.

I'm very confused. Are my portions too big? Too much salt? Not enough water? I certainly haven't gotten to the gym.

Disappointed … but not defeated.

I think my scale has issues.

2011-04-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Jumped on the scale this morning, looked down:

370

Yeeeeah. I don't think so. As much as I would love to weigh that, I doubt I lost 106 pounds in a week!

I grabbed the scale, looked all over it for a website or a RESET button or something. For being a scale that can weigh up to 660 pounds, it's a pretty simple device. Just 4 buttons. "Hold" will hold the weight so you can weigh multiple items and get a total. "Unit" switched between Pounds and Kilograms. There's an On - Off button and a button marked "Tare" - no clue what that did. No Reset of any kind.

I don't have the manual for the thing anymore - I'm sure there was one. There might have been one. Either way I don't have it. A series of web searches revealed that a) the MedWeigh company is in New Jersey (the sticker on the scale says Brooklyn) and b) MedWeigh does not have a web site or support of any kind. Great.

So, I went back and power reset the thing - when in doubt, fall back on old skills. When it came back up I tried weighing some water. 16 oz. of water weighs a pound, right? So, I gathered water in containers, about 224 ounces, 7 quarts - about 14 pounds. Scale said it was 11 pounds. Wrong!

Power cycled the thing again. The On/Off button is actually the On/Zero/Off button. If you hit this button it will zero out the weight. Thus, if you sit the scale on a slightly uneven surface, and it reads -8 pounds, you can zero that out and get an accurate weight. And that's about what happened. When the scale came back on, it was reading -8 pounds. So, I zeroed it out and tried the water again. It weighed 14 pounds this time. I got on the scale:

425

Again, I would love for this to be my weight. But, I doubt I lost 50 pounds in one week. Maybe the scale had been screwed up last week? Maybe I did weigh 425? My shirts don't fit like I weigh 425!

Then, something occurred to me: 14 pounds of water - in containers - would weigh more than 14 pounds. The containers weigh something. And, what the hell is "Tare?"

Tare
–noun
1. The weight of the wrapping, receptacle, or conveyance containing goods.

Hmmm … I went back to the scale, hit the "Tare" button and a tiny symbol on the display went away. Hopped on the scale; 465.

While I'm not a fan of my current weight, 465 is a lot more realistic than 370!

Regardless of all of this fun. I've stayed on my diet all week, including going out for dinner last night. I went shopping after dinner last night and just the thought of going near the baked goods area was repulsive. I love that! When this diet works, it works so well!

Breakfast has been waiting in the kitchen for about an hour - Ima go eat now!

Lessons Learned

2011-04-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

Friday is my busiest day - which isn't saying much. My business is ramping up, but it's still pretty slow. It's been a very long ramp. Anyway, on Fridays I deliver my paper. I also felt inspired, I wanted to get some new places to distribute my paper. I aimed at three.

The day started well. I had some bananas in soy milk. I also made a concoction I'm kinda proud of - I found a coffee product that is surprisingly good. I've adopted the Pacific Northwest as my home, so I don't have/haven't found the Coffee Snob Gene. I'm more of a tea guy, if anything. I like the smell and taste of coffee, but not in large amounts. Bitter, over roasted coffee turns me right off. People say "French Roast" and I start looking for water, tea, coke - anything. Anyway, I found this Nescafe Suave stuff in the store. The label is in Spanish with English subtitles - how American! It's just instant coffee, but it's not as bitter. A big mug about half full of water in the nuker for three minutes, two spoons of this stuff, six packets of Splenda and fill the rest of the cup with Vanilla soy milk and you have a coffee drink I can get behind! It has a very nice caramel finish. Smells just incredible. It even looks pretty in the cup! It'll probably take me a year to get through the container, but not bad to stay on my diet and fill my odd, here and there coffee yearning. Certainly cheaper than a $5 (or more!) Soy Latte at some coffee place!

So, I had my bananas in milk and my cheapo latte, jumped in the shower and hit the road. I delivered here and there and then pulled into my first target: the Lakepointe Bar & Grill. It's a pub in Kenmore - that just recently started serving lunch - excellent. I walked in, walked up to the bar and caught the attention of the man behind the bar.

Barkeep: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'd like to distribute my newspaper here.
BK: Okay.
Me: Have you heard of the Coffee News®?
BK: Yup.
Me: (FIRST TIME this has happened! Everyone says "No") R-really? Can I put the stand up over there?
BK: Sure.
Me: Thanks!

I was so excited I totally forgot to ask the nice man's name. It was literally that easy. In December I was either being told the decision maker wasn't around and I could never get the decision maker or I was given the third degree - now people just don't mind. Sure, put it up right over there.

The next two new places were about as easy. Sure-right-over-there-thanks. Great. I got all three places I aimed to get and I ended the day with a grand total of 25 distribution points. Nice. The biz is doing well. It doesn't feel like I'm selling an empty bag anymore. Makes me happy.

As I got out at Pasion Tequila, the last restaurant I've added to my empire, I had that fuzzy & fragile feeling I get when my blood sugar is too low. Usually, I have some time when I get this feeling. I was nearly done, so I wasn't worried. I placed my new stand, got in the car and started driving. The fuzziness got worse - fast. Hmm … there was a Safeway up the street, I decided to stop in and get a snack, some Slimfast bars or something. I parked and walked in, the fuzziness getting worse. I decided on a small OJ, I hunted the store until I found some South Beach bars and I grabbed a large container of raisins. By the time I got in line, I could barely see straight. The lady at the counter was asking me questions and I was trying to talk and be polite and eventually I told her my blood sugar was crashing. She handed me the OJ and asked if I needed her to call anyone. She was nice, but I waived her off, telling her I was gonna go outside and eat the bars. I drunkenly walked to the car, drinking my OJ. I polished off two bars and the OJ and probably a cup of raisins. That wasn't fun!

So, lesson learned. The remainder of the bars are in the car and there they will stay. If I had gotten that fuzzy while driving, I'm not sure what would have happened. The next time I get that fuzzy feeling, I'm not going to wait - I'm going to eat something. That was scary and I don't want it to happen again. My Fridays are getting longer as I add more locations and it's a lot of activity; drive, get out of the car, walk, walk back, get back in the car, drive, wait in traffic, repeat 25 times. My goal is to have 50 distribution points, so this isn't going to get easier. This is the first week I've done this while dieting. I'm usually slurping on a full sugar soda after having a pile of fast-food. I'm going to start bringing a few snacks with me. I may even make it a Friday ritual to eat lunch at one of the restaurants I deliver my paper to - can't hurt, right? Just a salad or something, but some food none the less! Speaking of food, dinner is pictured there on the left - chicken breast stir-fried in olive oil with mushrooms and broccoli. (It needed ginger and soy - on my shopping list) That was a big bowl of food. I couldn't finish it. Snack for tomorrow!

All in all, a good day - even with a big bump in the middle. Now, if I can just make some sales ….

Getting Good at Starting Over

2011-04-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

The title is a Foo Fighters lyric. I heard it tonight and it sounded about right for my life.

So, I moved out of the house I had moved into. I decided to do this a few months ago. When I told my housemate, she decided to sell the house. Luckily, I found a decent apartment and I'm living by myself again. Just moved Saturday, still lots of unpacking to do. This place is huge - a real value for the money. I don't know what to do with all the room.

I found out the reason I'm getting it at such a good price; the previous resident committed suicide. The building was built in 1964. Jay, the dead guy, moved in in '64. He kept all his leases, they found them when they cleaned the place out - he paid $68 a month for his first lease. He was a heavy smoker and had pets. One of the neighbors tells me the walls in here were just coated with nicotine, the floor was covered in hair. One of the people that cleaned the apartment said the place had only been painted a few times in those years. The neighbor tells me that Jay lit up a charcoal grill in the apartment and asphyxiated himself. They cleaned the place thoroughly, painted, installed new countertops, put in new carpet and new appliances. But, I can still smell cigarette smoke. I'm burning some incense to help. I'm the second tenant in a 45 year old apartment!

My business is starting to take off. I made my first sale a week or so ago and I have some good leads for a few other sales. If I can make three to six sales a month, I'm golden. At that level I'll never get rich but I'll pay the rent. I think I can grow this into something big.

That brings us to the reason for this blog: my diet. I dropped it in mid-January and didn't look back. I had a handful of excuses, don't I always? But, I knew once I moved out I'd make an effort to get back on and go back to the gym. So, here we are, Day Two. So far, blah-blah-blah.

I told a friend yesterday that if I can keep my business going and stay on my diet, in five years I'll be the man I want to be. My! How my dreams have shrank. At nearly 40 my idea of a good life is being a 200 pound mediocre salesman. But, yeah, that doesn't sound too bad right now.

I'm still playing the Lotto.

Weighed in yesterday. There are worse weights than 476, but I'd rather be the 419 I got to last summer. Now that I'm looking at the old ticker data, a year ago today I weighed 453, which would be better than where I am. But, it could be worse, about two years ago I weighed 495. If I'm starting over, I guess I'd rather be at 476 than 495.

I've spent so much money since I've moved into the place. I had an empty fridge and cupboards. I didn't even own salt & pepper. But, now that there is food in the house, I won't be eating every meal at a fast food place like I've done since January. That'll save some money. I can easily spend $10 on breakfast at a drive thru. I think all told today my food totaled less than $10, and I'm stuffed to the gills. Dinner is pictured there on the right. I'm back to my petite sirloins - that's one stir-fried with onion and mushrooms. It came out very tender! The side dish is steamed broccoli and I'm even using Smart Balance instead of butter - and not much of that! The steak was about $3, the broc was maybe a buck and that was the big meal of the day. I used to eat with chop sticks because I fumbled with them and I ate slower. That trick doesn't work anymore - I'm getting too good with the sticks!

I'll get back to the gym soon. I've been busy unpacking. I think by this weekend this place will feel like home and I'll give the gym a shot next week. All these months of paying for something I'm not using feels very stupid. Worse, I set a reminder that beeps my phone everyday to go to the gym - I have found a way to beat myself up automatically. At least that's what it feels like. Soon I'll be able to hear that beep and feel a sense of accomplishment instead of cold self loathing.

Yup, this is the beginning of the diet - I'm low powered and depressed. It will pass. Just want to stay on the diet this time for longer than 90 days!

Weekend Issues

2011-01-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

Why is it I can be pretty good during the week but lose all control on the weekends?

So, this past week was an example of what not to do. Trips to restaurants involving large steaks. Large amounts of pizza. All kinds of bad deals.

If I'm out here talking about it, it means I haven't given up. I'm going to double my efforts.

That's it? Try again.

2011-01-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

Only three pounds this week. For the average dieter with 20 pounds to lose, that's a lot in one week. I'm not average.

I had some portion control successes and food choice failures. Tuesday is a good example. I went out to eat with a friend. We intended to go someplace where healthy choices were possible. That proved impractical, so we decided for another healthy option. Three closed restaurants later we decided to eat what came to hand. A Fish & Chips place was across the street from the last closed restaurant we visited. I ordered Chicken & Fries. They gave me an extra chicken finger - I guess the guy thought he'd be nice to the fat guy - awww! However, when I sat down to eat, I don't think I ate half of what was there. I fill up pretty fast these days. So, had I been eating a salad, it would have been better, but even eating chicken and fries I didn't do too bad.

Friday night I went out with a friend and I did the right thing. She ate a calzone and a beer - I had a salad and water. She worried about eating the calzone in front of me, but I was satisfied with the salad. I need more nights like that and less days like yesterday ...

I hung out with friends and watched the Seahawks get the crap kicked out of them. I made the choice for a quick meal just to put something in the tank on my way over - an Ultimate Breakfast sandwich at Jack in the Box. You'll notice, even though it was a sandwich from a fast food place, it was only once sandwich, no fried potato things or soda. I drank water I brought with me. I should have grabbed a bar instead of the sandwich. I know better.

Anyway, once there, I made decent if not perfect choices. I had some of the veggies, some sliced meat, a little cheese … a few crackers and about six chips. It's football - chips are mandatory! After the crushing defeat, I decided to them help myself to a large slice of the cheesecake that had been paraded in front of me. About an hour later, I found the croissant sandwich left overs and a Thomas Kemper Creme Orange soda. While eating the sandwiches, my belly hit full and reminded me I was on the wrong side of the line.

Bad habits are hard to kill - that should be the title of this blog. At least I lost a few pounds this week. I'll be better this coming week and I will get back to the gym if it kills me. Better number next week!

Low Power

2011-01-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

Fourteen pounds in one week. These big numbers always freak me out a bit, but whenever I bring it up to my doctor, she smiles and nods and tells me that's the way it should be. Between being VERY overweight and the Januvia, these numbers happen.

The first week of getting back on the wagon is always tough. I only got to the gym once. Quite a few times I felt like I just couldn't wake up and get going. Low calories, low carbs and no caffeine … it's no wonder, but it's amazing when you are going through it.

On Friday I had a bit of a gout flare up - my big toes and feet were hurting. However, the meds calmed it back down. I was impressed. I don't mind a little flare here and there, walking is the important thing.

I'm looking forward to this progress continuing. The fridge is full of good foods. I want to get to the gym more often this week. 399 here I come!

Here we go again ...

2011-01-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

New year, thus, I'm getting back on my diet.

I'm sure no one is shocked. I'm appalled about that number up there; 476 - I can't believe I'm back up that high again. I'm discouraged that I have to get back on the diet. I just can't find a way to stay on a damn plan, develop a routine and get the weight off.

But, having said that, I realize I need to give myself a break. It's hard. My body is fighting against me. It's very easy to get fat, the other direction is damn hard.

Further, I am indeed getting back on the diet. I could have just said whatever and moved on, heading for an early grave, but I'm giving it yet another shot.

Today went pretty well. I had a Slim Fast bar for breakfast, got on the treadmill at the gym for a half hour, had a salad for lunch. Dinner was another salad with some baked chicken. Lots of water all day. I'm now snacking on a couple of apples. It's a small start, but it's something to build on.

I must admit, I'm ready for bed. With the almost no carbs, the walking, the lack of any caffeine and crappy sleep last night, I'm about to hit the sack.

I got to the store tonight for some good food items. I plan to hit the gym again tomorrow. I think I can get some place.

The Secret Gym

2010-10-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'm currently living in Kenmore, WA. It's a nice little area. However, the whole of King and surrounding counties suffer from a common American ailment: urban sprawl. You need a car to get around because everything is spread far and thin, be prepared for traffic. If you don't own a car, be prepared to spend most of your life on buses.

I'm close to two Bally's gyms. "Close" in a galactic sense. One is in Bellevue, which at 2 AM is a 20 minute drive, the rest of the day it's 45 minutes to an hour. One is in Lynnwood, about 15 minutes away off peak, about 25 minutes away in heavy traffic. Lynnwood is the better choice, no? Not according to Bally's website. Bally's told me there was no swimming pool, and when I first started looking for a gym, I wanted a pool. So, I struggled with the traffic to Bellevue.

About two weeks ago, I decided to go to Lynnwood because I wanted to see the place and I was planning to just do just cardio and lifting. The gym is hidden behind a couple of older strip malls in an area that is best described as ... distressed. The burned out apartment building across the street sets the tone. However, when I arrived I found a welcome treat - a HUGE parking lot with few cars. Nice!

The gym itself is less polished than Bellevue. For those of you that don't know, Bellevue is a kinda ritzy suburb of Seattle. It sits between Seattle and Redmond, home of Microsoft. There is some money floating around there, so, the gym had better be nice. The Lynnwood location was apparently not burdened by this fact. The place could use some cosmetic work, but it was serviceable. The staff were friendly, if not not model quality as they were in Bellevue. The machines were older but well maintained. Over all, the place felt lived in and less scary.

And, there were some hidden surprises. One of my complaints about Bally's is the lockers. I'm sure the pressboard things looked good in the early 90s when they were installed, but the years of being in close proximity to all that moisture and years of abuse have made them less "lockers" and more "things you can close and hope no one can just pull open if they want your stuff." Lynnwood has old, blue, metal lockers. Sure, there is some rust and damage, but it's way better than melting pressboard.

As I looked around the locker room my first time, I saw a sign that said "Anyone entering the pool must take a shower first." Why would they have that sign? The web site said they didn't have a pool. I walked through the door to discover not just a pool, but a pool that appeared as large if not larger than the one in Bellevue - and nearly empty. The hot tub didn't have a timer on the Jacuzzi feature, it just runs and runs and it's about twice the size of Bellevue's and, it too, was nearly empty. Nice!

Now, granted, there aren't as many hot chicks at this place as there are in Bellevue, the video screens are smaller and not flat and in general the whole place is less posh, but for getting my workout on - it's doing the trick. I went Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I plan to go today. I'm proud of myself.

I'm trying to do about a half hour or more on the treadmill, then lift a bunch of heavy things. Sometimes, when I have time, I treat myself to a soak in the hot tub. You're noticing a lack of the word "pool" in that sentence, aren't you? Yeah, all the concern about pools and I am barely using them. That may change. The treadmill is fine, but I have days, like yesterday, where I am walking fine and then something starts to hurt, so I stop. The treadmill is going to do damage. The pool isn't deep enough for me to do any walking with resistance, but I could swim as cardio. I have other cardio options as well. Lynnwood has this device called a Windjammer (see picture) - it simulates the action of cranking sails on a racing sailboat. In other words, it uses the arms to do cardio. I'm up to seven minutes with no resistance, and, yeah, I can feel it. Eventually I'll add resistance, maybe after I hit 10 minutes. I'm going to get guns yet!

Speaking of which, I am so enjoying my weight training. I never liked it before, I mean, it was okay, but for whatever reason I'm really liking it now. Maybe I'm just doing it right or something. I don't have much structure, I just go from machine to machine, device to device. I'm getting a lot of variety and that feels good. I try to add a new machine every time. I'm trying to add more reps. Mostly, I try to not interfere with what others are doing. I've moved away from the free weights to the machines, same work out and you don't get stepped on by the roid-heads. I'm working mostly on my pecs, bi-cepts and back - I want some visible results so I'm going for the big three. I'm sure the other muscles are getting some work along the way.

If I could only get more structure to my diet. I feel like I'm wrestling a bear. I think I'm doing okay, but it feels odd. I'm intaking more carbs than when I normally diet, but less than when I am off my diet. I'm eating out a lot, but I'm making good choices. The scale says I'm down, but only a bit, and that's the scale at home, the scale at the gym adds ten pounds, I don't know what to believe. I think I'm just going to attempt to keep up going to the gym, try to keep making good food choices and ride the bear until it throws me off. This is all new territory for me and I need to get used to it before I try to saddle it with a routine.

My mantras are "Slow, Steady, Repeat." and "Less Flab, More Fab!" - we'll see if they work.

What Aqua Aerobics?

2010-09-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday with my legs really hurting. After like three minutes on the elliptical machine the day before, my legs were more than just a little strained. As soon as I can walk again - I'm gonna kick that elliptical machine's ass!

So, I got up at like 7, got breakfast and was on the road by 8. The Aqua Aerobics class was at 9. I forgot just how bad morning traffic in this town can be - I got to the gym at 9:02. Lesson learned. So, I poked my head in just to see what the class looked like: the class looked like 3 old ladies on pool noodles. I don't know if the class was late or what but I didn't see any aerobics.

To counter this, I jumped on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I didn't go hard or fast. I just hoped that walking would ease the pain in my thighs. And, it did. For a while.

I then lifted some heavy things. I love lifting heavy things. I want to lift many more heavy things. I want pecs and guns and and and elbows and ... ?

By the time I was done lifting, my legs were starting to tighten up. I kept getting up and walking between sets of lifting, but that didn't seem to help much.

I jumped in the shower and headed to the pool. The lanes were open. I haven't swam laps in a couple of decades. When I was a kid, I was chubby, but I could swim like a fish. Yesterday, I swam more like a buffalo. Actually, my swimming more resembled water-boarding. I need a lot more work. I made two laps in about 25 minutes. I had octogenarians lapping me on both sides. I will work to get better.

I moved to the hot tub and that finally loosened up my thighs. I stayed there until I raisined up. Showered and went to lunch - Indian Buffet, yum! I controlled my portions, but it wasn't easy. By the time lunch was done, I was gimping along. By the time I went to bed, I was using the cane. I'm surprised I got any sleep.

My legs are better this morning, but they still hurt. I'm taking the day off. I think I'll go back tomorrow. I think I just did too much too fast. The scary part is that I felt at the time I wasn't doing enough. I guess going from 0 to 25 with flat tires will do more damage than intended. Thankfully I didn't try to go 0 to 60!

Just keep swimming ...

2010-09-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my doc told me to find a swimming pool. I have to exercise. My knees and ankles have taken a big hit from the gout (btw - I'm 30 days into the 60 day treatment that should cure the gout permanently and haven't had a problem since I started!) With the damage I've gotten from the gout, normal exercise is really tough. The doc suggested water aerobics, swimming or even just walking in the water - there's resistance there with less impact.

I started looking around. Most area public pools (Socialism at its finest!) have been closed. Great. The few that are open are scary expensive. One in Seattle charged $5 for a hour session and $4 for a shower! Even at $5 a session, three times a week, that's $60 a month. The YMCA is nearly that expensive and they, too, have fewer facilities and most of them in Seattle - I'm a suburbanite. After looking at that, I decided to look at Bally's - my ex-wife and I had memberships for years. We paid our dues long after we stopped going, but we had memberships! Bally's had a web special. The high end was $30 a month and I can go to any location nationwide - not that I'll be going to gym's all over the country, but the option is there. (The low end, one location only, was $21 a month - not bad compared to the public pool above.)

I joined. I'm out of work, sitting on my ass - I might as well go to the gym. I might cancel my WoW subscription to cost justify half the gym membership. But, $30 a month seems like a pittance to pay for better health. My meds cost me $180 for 3 months and that's after insurance. I get the weight off, I can drop the meds, too.

Today was the first day. I got a free session with a trainer, who proceeded to kick my ass! In all seriousness, he ran me through a reasonable routine that I will likely adopt, with the exception that I want to do most of my cardio in the pool. He put me on an elliptical machine for three minutes and my knees are still wobbly. The cardio made me want to die - the weight training, conversely, felt awesome! I can see how someone could get addicted to that. Also, even though I was there at a less busy time, that gym had one amenity the last Bally's I used did not: lotsa hot chicks! Yow! I wanna lose weight just so one of them will look at me!

After the death march through sexy momma town (I kid!) we went back to the trainer's area and I jumped on their scale. They actually had a scale that could weigh someone my size - impressive! It was bad. 461 is the number. I knew I was back up to 450, but that extra 11 hurts. The edema on my legs is really bad. But, I'm doing something about it, so, hopefully that number, and the edema, won't be around for long.

As a treat, I showered and jumped in the jacuzzi! Oh man! That's worth $30 a month right there. I might go now and then just for that. I think the group of old Asian women in the tub thought I was Godzilla - they left at speed - but once in the water I just could not think of a reason to care about what they thought!

For breakfast I had my diet standard: bananas & soy milk, today with some raisins and a little Splenda. Yeeeeah - that work out burned through that jazz. By the time I left I couldn't send a text message because my hands were shaking. I went to a local favorite Chinese restaurant and had Chicken and Snow Peas. The lunch size portion was perfect! I didn't eat the rice but I ate the soup - egg drop. The price was right, too. In all, a good first day on the diet.

Dinner tonight is BBQ chicken, light on the sauce and salad. Breakfast tomorrow will be the same bananas & soy milk - but I think I will add a Slim Fast bar on the way to class; my first aqua aerobics - at 9 AM! Wish me luck!

The Problem is Kidney Shaped

2010-06-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

The good news is that I've lost another pound, down to 418. That's after eating whatever I've wanted this week - just not caring. The doc called me this morning with the blood test results from last week; my blood sugar was at 72 (!) and my A1C was 6.0. These are pretty incredible numbers.

However, there is bad news. The doc says my gout has gotten really bad. She thought last week that the gout might be getting to my other joints and this would explain why I've been having trouble with my feet, ankles and knees. The blood tests show my gout is worse than that. It's gotten so bad it's hitting my kidneys. The doc says she thinks it's reversible, we got it early. But, it's my kidneys so it's serious. Apparently I also have some type of infection - no shock with my kidneys taking a hit.

So, the doc is giving my an antibiotic and some gout meds and she wants to see me next week. I'll keep you all up to date.

Worried

2010-06-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

The good news, I guess, is that I just hit 419. I wanted to be more excited about this - getting beyond 425 has been a big psychological barrier for me.

However, losing 14 pounds in one week seems unhealthy.

It's possible that it's all fluid. I have indeed spent another week with my feet up because my left ankle is killing me. But, that's a lot of weight. If it is just fluid, it's likely to come back. So this number, while an incredible thing, is likely to be a short term victory. Or, if I have lost a lot of muscle mass from doing nothing for weeks on end, it could be the beginning of a whole other set of problems.

I'm going to try to see the doctor sometime this week. Maybe we can sort this out. Why must my body fight me so?

Edema-B-Baaa-aack

2010-05-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

Yeah, 433. The edema is pumping back up on my legs. I also have not been the best recently on my diet. And, with my feet still bothering me there has been nothing resembling exercise.

I'm not giving up. I'm just watching hopes of breaking 425 before seeing my doctor vanish on the horizon. Too bad.

On the bright side, even when not sticking to my diet, my portion control has been on, on, on! (Frankly, my portion control has come down to "Wow! I feel full!" after comparatively little food.) Little victories.

As I suspected ...

2010-05-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

The edema on my legs has re-inflated a bit. I think that will account for the extra pound this week. I expected it, frankly, I expected more. But, one pound of additional fluid is more than enough, thankyouverymuch.

My big fear is that the edema will continue to inflate and the pounds will come back more and more, hiding any real progress I might have made. We'll see.

My feet and ankles are finally back to the point of being able to walk short distances with no discomfort. However, medium distances are still problematic. On Saturday, I went a bit carb crazy - but I also did a bit of walking and driving. Nothing outlandish - walking from the car to the movie theater kind of thing. Just that little walking made me want to go home and put my feet up.

Nothing about my weight loss journey is going to be fast or pretty. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ....

Edema-B-Gone

2010-05-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Whoa. 430 - wow ...

I used to think that large weight drops were a required and desired part of the dieting process. Now I fear them. I know that the likelihood is that I will go back up. So, I'm trying not to get too happy about this number.

I think the majority of the weight loss over the last two weeks has been in edema. Since I've been laying around with my feet up - my feet and ankles look great! My calves used to be hard, now they are spongy. I think I've lost a lot of fluid.

My ankles and feet are still hurting. But, not nearly as much. I still hate my feet and ankles.

On the real weight loss front, I had a fun discovery. I sat in my car, something I hadn't done for a while, and I noticed something different. My tummy wasn't brushing against the steering wheel. In fact, I could put my hand between the wheel and my tummy without touching. That was impressive to me!

So, we are making some progress. I'm just worried that I won't be able to hold onto this number. We'll see.

Hate my Ankles

2010-05-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

So, a week ago Monday, that evening, my left ankle started bothering me.

From there, I have basically spent most of the following week in bed. Once the one ankle kicked in to killing me, the other one followed. At one point, my new housemate handed me a cane and looked at me like I was an idiot. The cane did indeed help. But, yeah, I really didn't leave my bed for a week.

I know what it is, it's my tendinitis. It just sucks. Okay, I know that I have gone well and above the designed weight for my ankles, but I'm losing the weight! If my body keeps putting me on the couch, I'm never going to be able to lose the weight!

I rarely ate this week. When I did, I ate whatever I could get. This shit really damages my health.

No weigh in this week. We'll see if I can get back on my diet and try to weigh in this coming Monday.

Fifty! Fifty! Fifty!

2010-05-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

Woot!

I weighed in at 448 this morning. This makes me quite happy! As a certain vice president of the US recently said, this is a big fucking deal!

I'm still scary fat, so why does this number matter? Well, nearly six years ago, I started the Adkins diet. Just about four months later, I was down 50 pounds. By December of 2004, I was off the diet and really never successfully got back on. In September of 2006, I started having heart issues and from there lots of other issues showed up. My diabetes got worse and I got heavier and heavier. At my worst, I weighed 517, I had regained all I had lost and added nearly 50 more.

After the heart issues showed up, I started kicking myself for ending my diet. If I could have stayed on the diet, I may have prevented the heart issues altogether. When I started my current round of dieting at the beginning of 2009, which this site tracks, I had magically managed to get back down to 500, actually 490. Then it fluctuated all over the place, including back up to nearly 500 pounds.

In the last year and a half, I have lost my job of eight years, gotten divorced and moved twice - nothing stressful there, right? However, I've also gotten my meds changed to a combo that, when I watch what I'm doing, allows me to lose weight. Some mixed blessings there.

So, here I am, fifty pounds down. I have made the same accomplishment I made nearly six years ago. I have overcome all the crap and stress and U-turns I've made in that time. This is a big psychological deal to me. Next number is 425, which is the number I got to six years ago - also a big psychological goal for me. Then, at 400, I will finally make the goal I thought I was going to reach nearly six years ago, not to mention being 100 pounds down. Hope to be there by the end of the year.

Fifty pounds. I just like saying the words. I've been fat most of my life. I think I am finally in a place where I can get the weight off. One week at a time. One weigh-in at a time. You guys have helped me out a ton here. Thanks and wish me luck!

Off to eat some fruit salad and barbecue some chicken!

Too Chicken

2010-04-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

I did okay last week.

I blew it this weekend - whoo-boy! Chinese food Friday night. Saturday night was the buffet at a casino and I ate the WHOLE buffet. It was so bad I woke up with a carb-hangover Sunday morning. (I had a head ache, body aches, dehydration and a sour stomach - what would you call it?) Sunday was hair-of-the-dog - more sugar. I ended the stupidity with a scary large Midnight run to McD's. It was not pretty.

I'm too chicken to get on the scale. I'll check it next week if I behave. I did check my blood sugar - 125. Thank goodness for Januvia!

I'm back on today - whatever that means. I've got bruises on my ass from falling off the wagon. We addicts are gluttons for punishment.

Wow. Okay. Time to get serious ...

2010-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been kinda crazy for me.

As you can see from my last entry in February, I'm a bit stressed. The lack of a job thing is messing with my head a lot. We have now crossed the one year jobless mark.

To celebrate that year - I moved. That wouldn't stress me out further, would it? Of course it did! I hate moving! But, my apartment was kinda expensive. So, I moved in with a friend. Now all my stuff occupies a small bedroom and a Public Storage unit. It was hard. Moving is bad enough but deciding what to take, what to store and what to just throw away was really tough. Plus, in order to save money, I had to spend money - I had to buy a new bed because mine was too big and then I had to pay movers. In the end, it will be worth it, but it was stressful.

To top it all, I battled my feet and ankles for nearly a month. There were days I hobbled and days I couldn't even get off the couch. When you have to move your life but your body is preventing it, well, let's just say the stress got higher.

The bad news is that no, I didn't diet. I ate like crap. Had to at times - I couldn't drive to even go get Micky D's much less full groceries. Lots of delivery pizza was consumed. So, yeah, I'm sure I put my body on a serious diabetic roller coaster. I know I certainly didn't feel terribly well at times.

The good news is, well, kinda shocking and somehow not shocking. I got moved, magically, through all the stress and my feet healed up just enough, right on time. It was a scramble, but I'm in a new place and a storage space and I'm saving money.

That's not the shocking part. The shocking part is that my right foot, a.k.a. "The Football," has shrunk - it looks like a normal, albeit large (I wear a size 16 shoe) foot. The edema has drastically retreated. Why? Well, I guess I got some exercise while moving. All the up and down the six stairs in front of my place. All the lifting and toting. The foot has a bunch of loose skin, but the edema has vanished. Now, I still have it on my ankles and calves, but both of my feet look pretty good.

This was encouraging to me. It showed me I needed to get serious. So, last week, I got back on the horse. It's been a rough week. My housemate has no problem with carbs and the house is full of them. But, I managed to resist - today marks the beginning of week two. I didn't weigh in last week, but I weighed in today: 453. That is the lowest I have weighed, by two pounds, since I began this diet in 2009. It's the lowest I've weighed in years.

So, I am determined to continue. I want the weight off. I want to see 400 by the end of the year. It's a pound and a half a week. It means staying on the diet for more than three weeks at a time. It means getting some exercise. Luckily, I moved into a house and there is plenty of yard work to do. Did I just say luckily? Oh boy ...

I blew it.

2010-02-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

No exercise.

Major cheating.

A month of progress gone.

I'm back on today. We'll see if that means anything.

No Pizza - but some Cheats ...

2010-02-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

I didn't order the pizza. TeresaLynn was correct: had I ordered the pizza, I would have felt terrible the next day. I call it a carb-hangover - something no one needs.

I was good all week. No exercise to really speak of. However, I did have a VERY busy weekend. This resulted in some delayed meals and two trips to McDonalds. So, yeah, it was a cheat. If there is good news, it's the fact that both trips to Micky D's were portion control wins. When off my diet, a trip to the Golden Arches is a bag of full of food. Usually two big sandwiches or one big sandwich and two to four small sandwiches, plus fries & pies and a big soda. $12 to $17 dollars for one meal is no shocker. The last two meals were each under $9. A single sandwich (a quarter-pounder and a double quarter-pounder respectively,) large fries and a large drink. And, I was very full! Next trip to McD's I will try to get a smaller fries and a diet drink. Someday I would like to get to one of their Mini-Meals. But, for the moment, we will call it a cheat-win!

So, I took off another 2 pounds. I plan to get some exercise this week and keep chugging along! Woo-woo!!

Holy Crap I want Pizza!

2010-01-27T20:29:00.000-08:00

I have wanted pizza for like three days. I don't know why - I just do. And it's like a crazy obsession thing. I remember getting this way about donuts a while back. I don't know what the deal is - I want a large pepperoni, mushroom and meatball pizza from a great local pizza place. It's an excellent pizza and I'd have it in about 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes, about the time it's going to take to make the chicken I currently have cooking in the kitchen.

I've had some portion control wins recently. Had a good one last night. Made just enough chicken and veggies for one bowl. I was perfectly full afterward.

But I have been hungry all day. Eating whatever comes into reach. Luckily I hit the store yesterday and most of the stuff in the house isn't too bad - in moderation. The portions I've eaten today ..... not so much.

At least I haven't ordered the pizza. And the 2 liter of Coke. And the bread-sticks. And the tiramisu!

PIZZA!!!

As the Gout Turns ...

2010-01-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

It seems the "acute attack" of gout is lessening. I can almost bend the toe fully and it doesn't look like a small, purple balloon anymore. I can walk almost like a normal person again, so the resume of exercise is around the corner. I am also down two more pounds without exercise, powered mostly by some portion control wins.

All in all, good news.

I had french fries yesterday - it was a British-pub themed restaurant, so they were actually "chips." And onion rings. But, I kept them to a minimum and I didn't go buy any cake afterward on the theory that "Well, I've already violated my diet ..." - that kind of thinking usually gets me in trouble. Not yesterday. I'm getting stronger.

I'm not excited about it taking the better part of a year, at my current rate, to hit 400. Two pounds a week seems slow compared to previous 14, 10 & 5 pound weeks. But, once we resume exercise we should see some faster results. I'm not complaining, I just want to reach my goals. They seem so far out there.

They're coming. I'll get there. It's only January.

In the win category, I got into a couple of tee-shirts this week that I thought were going to be too small. My big problem with shirts is my belly. It hangs low and is apron-like. I wear a size 6X tee-shirt to get a long enough shirt to come in below the line of my belly. Also, a larger shirt flows around my belly instead of stretching around and making me look like a sausage! I noticed that a couple of my shirts were flowing better than average. I tried on a couple of older 6Xs that had shrunk with time - they fit pretty good. I tried on a 6X made by a different manufacturer that had been WAY too sausagey when I bought it. It was indeed better, but still too tight. That's okay, it will be a good indicator as I go down. The best thing about that last shirt is that it's even longer than the others. I worry as I lose weight that the skin of my belly will droop - I know it's not a pretty thought, but I can't afford surgery just yet and I hate to tuck! Talk about making me look like a sausage! Tucking is the worst!

I live in Gout.

2010-01-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

So, the left big toe issue is not tendinitis. It's gout.

That's right, gout. That would be a disease we usually only associate with old people ... from the 16th century! Benjamin Franklin had gout - probably from all the beer! Turns out, even dinosaurs suffered this lovely disease! Meat-eaters - go fig!

Anyway, my toe started hurting Sunday - out of the blue. (Which, unknown to me, is a symptom.) It got worse Monday. Tuesday the toe turned purple - not scary bruised purple, but swollen, shiny and not normal colored purple. I left a voicemail for the doc and I saw her yesterday.

She took blood samples to confirm, but she was pretty sure and since the meds she put me on are already lessening the pain - I think she got it right. The funny thing is that I have been blaming big toe pain on tendinitis for quite a while now - it was probably gout all along. If there is any good news, it's that I now have an excuse to add some cherries and blueberries to my diet - apparently they ward off the formation or uric acid.

Never a boring day with my body. But, once the meds do their job I can get back to the business of exercising and get more of the weight off. The doc says gout has nothing to do with the weight, Wikipedia says different. I say my body just hates me.

Hmmm ... I see.

2010-01-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

Well, the scale says I'm down.

Don't get me wrong, that's good. But, after a double digit loss last week, two pounds is kinda a let down.

But, I'm not complaining!

Further, I know the culprit. I got on the treadmill Tuesday, but that was it. The rest of the week I have been fighting tendinitis in my ankles ... and my left big toe! You don't realize how much you rely on your toes to walk, until one hurts. *Sigh!*

I spent several months off my diet and did my ankles or toes bother me? No way. Of course they didn't! I'm trying to do something about my weight and my body throws up any roadblock it can to keep me fat!

Well, I was certainly hoping for a bigger number. But, two without exercise is nothing to sneeze at. I'll take it.

Hands up! Wheeeeee!

2010-01-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

The Yo-Yo Roller Coaster has begun!

Yup. Here's the deal. I weighed in on the 1st at 484. Today's weight? 470! That's Fourteen pounds in like ten or eleven days.

Now, it's true, I have been a pretty good boy. The first weekend I was not great about watching what I ate, but since last Monday I have been cracking the whip on myself. Got some treadmill time in on Monday and Tuesday, played Wii for a couple of hours Friday. In all - not a bad deal.

But, more than a pound a day? Yeah, this is all edema and fluid loss. And what have we learned about this? Well, either next Monday, or the following Monday, I will likely put on weight. I'm due for a bad weigh in.

So, today we are down the slope on the roller coaster - but, we all know there is an upward hill coming!

Still, 470 feels better than 484! :)

Just checking in ...

2010-01-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

This has, so far, been a STUPID week. But, as far as my diet goes, it hasn't been too bad.

The whole "talk of a contest" thing? Yeah, just talk. My fellow dieters abandoned me. No problem - it was going to be a lot of extra work for me. Now, I just need to keep track of myself.

I still need to work on my portion control. But, Monday and Tuesday I got on the treadmill. I'm about to go get on again. Then I'll do a bunch of house cleaning - I have a date tonight!

Monday, I ran myself through a gauntlet. I started off the day, much as I am now, checking stuff on the computer. I then checked my Sugga just to see, it was 140. I ate a Slim Fast bar, all of 200 or so calories. This was roughly 10 AM. I did some wall-ups, then did my treadmill for a half hour. Jumped in the shower. Went off to grocery shop as I hadn't bought groceries in three months! I got a phone call about a job while shopping, so, there I was, talking on the phone for 20-25 minutes while standing in the Kool Aid aisle. By the time I got home and brought in $250 in groceries and sundries, it was 5 PM. I was feeling a bit woozy. Checked my Sugga - 80! I probably shouldn't do that to myself!

Alright, time for breakfast. You all stay warm out there. Weigh in on Monday!

2010 is here like 2009 didn't even happen.

2010-01-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

So, here we are. It's Twenty Ten. However, my scale says it's February 2009.

I've put on 30 pounds in three months, the scale this morning said 484.

I'm not shocked by this number. I have been WAY off my diet and living as if I don't care.

But, I'm vowing to pick up the pieces and try to get back on the plan. Let the Yo-Yo Roller Coaster commence!

I might have some buddies along with me this time. There is talk of a "contest" - we'll see where that goes.

It's an inauspicious start. Ugly. Hopefully it will get prettier as we go.

Wish me luck.

Honesty & Accountability

2009-10-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

It's time for everyone's favorite new game show Honesty & Accountability! And here is your host - and the only contestant - Jericho!

*Host Jericho*
Howdy, folks! Jericho here and welcome to Honesty & Accountability! On yesterday's show, our contestant Jericho was shocked and quite angered that he had put on eight pounds in seven days.

Audience Gasp!

*Host Jericho*
Oooooh! Yeah. He wasn't impressed with himself and frankly neither were our judges. And let's meet our judges! On our panel we have Mr. Jericho!

*Mr. Jericho*
Hi everybody! You all look just fabulous!

*Host Jericho*
Why thank you! Next on our panel we have Dr. Jericho.

Dr. Jericho nods sagely at the camera.

*Host Jericho*
Last but certainly not least, we have Steven Seagal.

*Steven Seagal*
The heart of a warrior is strength in beauty!

*Host Jericho*
Couldn't have said it better myself! Next, let's bring out our contestant. He's seriously over weight, unemployed, recently divorced and having a serious identity crisis - obviously! Here's Jericho!

*Contestant Jericho*
It's good to be back!

*Host Jericho*
So eight pounds in a week - that's a bit of a drag, huh?

*Contestant Jericho*
Yeah. My body does this now and then. I have a good weigh in, maybe two. Then, even though I'm still dieting and for no good reason - Bam! I put on a bunch of weight!

*Host Jericho*
Ouch! That hurts. But, we think we have a solution. Judges?

*Steven Seagal*
Your Chi is out of balance.

*Dr. Jericho*
Edema.

*Host Jericho*
Thank you Steven, but we discussed this before the show! The Doctor is correct - it's your edema. How was your edema last week?

*Contestant Jericho*
My feet looked great! My ankles were down quite a lot.

*Host Jericho*
And now?

*Contestant Jericho*
My right foot is puffy again. The skin on my ankles is itching - probably means they are up again.

*Host Jericho*
Correct!

*Steven Seagal*
Find strength in adversity!

*Mr. Jericho*
And stop wearing those horrid black New Balance! You would look fabulous in a Tony Lama or a Jimmy Choo!

*Host Jericho*
As we all know, "a pint is a pound the world around."

*Contestant Jericho*
I probably have a pint of fluid just on my right foot!

*Host Jericho*
Likely! How was your activity level last week?

*Contestant Jericho*
Started off good. Monday I walked around the mall for an hour. Tuesday I got out for lunch with a friend, then went grocery shopping. Wednesday I didn't do much, just a little walking at the mall then dinner at a friend's. Thursday I sat on my ass, same for Friday. Then ... oh dear! Saturday I had a job interview, so I treated myself to a big meal from McDonald's and then did nothing. Sunday I pretty much laid around, thinking about donuts.

*Host Jericho*
Sounds like the activity level dropped off quite a bit there!

*Contestant Jericho*
Wow. Sure did.

*Steven Seagal*
If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float past!

*Host Jericho*
Anyway ... Jericho! Here is today's bonus round question. Your health, sex life and overall happiness are riding on your answer. Ready?

*Contestant Jericho*
I'm ready!

*Host Jericho*
What is your activity plan for this week?

*Contestant Jericho*
Get out and be as active as possible?

*Host Jericho*
CORRECT!!! That's all the time we have. Tune in next week to continue to follow Jericho's progress right here on Honesty & Accountability!

*Steven Seagal*
And don't forget to watch me on Steven Seagal: Lawman, only on A&E!

+8 in one week.

2009-10-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

I hate my body. Hate everything about it.

Doing Something Right ...

2009-10-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure WHAT I'm doing right, but it's real right!

Check it out ... 455! Woot! Forty five pounds down since January. I'm feeling good about that. I'm sure it could be more - but it could also be a Hell of a lot less! So, I've decided there is no reason to beat myself up and I'll just accept the 45 down.

I've been watching my diet. Although, I had a couple of cheats this weekend. No matter - just relaxing that "will power muscle" - I'm back to flexing it now.

My feet and ankles look better! I think a good portion of the weight I'm losing is fluid, the edema is coming off. My right foot, which two months ago looked like a caucasian football with toes, now looks nearly like a normal foot. The edema around my ankles is way down. I couldn't be happier!

I think I have finally hit a combination of diet, exercise, attitude and meds that works. It's alchemy and voodoo - but it's working!

I'm gonna get out of the house today ... just go walk around the mall or something. I'm a bit restless. (I think that's a good thing!) Anything to keep this going!

Exercising my Demons

2009-10-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, long time. I've been good and bad about my diet. But, my meds were changed and it hurt me. My meds are back in order and I'm back on the wagon - since a week ago Monday. I didn't weigh myself Monday, I plan to weigh myself this coming Monday.

So, I have been taking the article I referred to a couple of posts back to heart. And it's gotten me thinking. We all make choices and changes in our lives, some good and some bad. But, I think sometimes we make changes and never see that we changed.

I've been heavy all of my life. But, when I was a kid - I walked everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. Back and forth to grade school - and it wasn't just down the block, either. Long walks to and from the bus and my job. We moved in high school, but my walk to school wasn't short and if I wanted to go anywhere else, it was a good walk to the bus stop - or an even longer walk to my destination. I can remember countless two hour walks to 7-11 for a soda and video games - there were at least five 7-11 within "walking distance" of my house.

My BFF (jeez!) Max can attest to these walks. He may have been a bigger walker than I was. Walks to 7-11 at all hours. Walks to and around the park and back at 3 AM just to have something to do. Drive to the mall and walk that for hours just looking at stuff, again, just to have something to do.

I did indeed once sit down and bounce a quarter off my calf - they were huge! I had trouble with pants, not around my waist, but getting them over my calves! (okay, the waist, too. Duh!)

But I was still fat. You see, and it's only now that I see this, I'd walk to 7-11, two hours round trip and I might have burned off 500 calories. But, I'd buy a huge full power soda, candy and/or nachos. There went any of the losses I might have made. If someone had changed my soda to diet - well, I would have likely gotten cancer from the huge amounts of artificial sweeteners I was in-taking, but I wouldn't have put on the weight I gained. Walking around the mall was great, but I had a cookie or two ... or six ... at Mrs. Fields and cheese fries or half a pizza down in the food court. These were the days I could polish an 18 inch deep dish pizza by myself and ask what's for dessert? Three or four slices was a snack! These days, four slices of pizza puts me in a carb coma!

Had I been looking out for my diet at the time, with the amount of activity in my life, maybe I wouldn't have put on all the weight. We were still poor enough that pasta and potatoes were big staples, but maybe I could have slowed the process.

Speaking of slowing processes, we come to the next phase. I moved to Seattle. When I first moved here, I kept my same pass times. I didn't have a car, so I walked to the bus, walked around malls, walked to the store, etc. I also kept up with the bad eating, and once I had cash in hand, it got worse. The weight added up.

When Steph moved in, we bought a car. So, I didn't walk nearly as much. Steph was also an easily accessible source of entertainment (get your mind out of the gutter!) - so, instead of walking around the mall just for something to do, we would go out to eat and then to a movie. We got concerned about our weight and had gym memberships for years - seldom used. As my job became more stressful, I found more and more reasons to lose myself in video games and TV. Not much movement here.

Tuesday, I was bored and restless. I went to the bank, then just walked around a grocery store. Nothing outlandish, just wasn't at home on the couch or parked in front of the computer. I also wasn't pouring snacks into my face either - I eat when I'm bored ... lonely, stressed, horny, satisfied ... you get the picture. Today, again with the restlessness. Maybe this is a good sign - a return of energy. The weather has been good for me, too. Cloudy, cool, a little rainy - my Seattle is back in swing!

Today I did something I haven't done in nearly a decade. University Avenue, called "The Ave," in the University District, is filled with shops and restaurants catering to the students on the University of Washington campus. I used to go explore The Ave once or twice a week. There was more for me to do there back then, I went regularly, walked for hours. And, yeah, I ate crap and drank crap - then ... today was different. I took the bus, something I haven't done since I lost my job. The most interesting area on The Ave is about five or six blocks long - covered in tiny shops and some big shops and restaurants - I walked up and down, looking in all the windows. I stopped into two real-life record stores. I thought those were extinct! I had a Diet Coke Zero. All told, I must have walked for two hours. Nothing stressful, just out DOING.

Now, I'm not happy that I spent five bucks to ride the bus there and back (I'm sure parking would have been more) so maybe I need to find something closer. But, I am happy to have been out, just out, moving. Instead of sitting on the couch watching my Red Dwarf DVDs for the 438th time! Eating low carb snacks and thinking, well, I could be shoving chocolate and cake into my face - this is better than that, right? I knew what I did today was better.

Besides, the new crop of college girls were CUTE! :)

Body Blow! Body Blow! K.O.!!!

2009-08-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'm great at beating myself up.

Sometimes I think a lot of the reason I am as large as I am is that I really don't like myself very much. Then, I think - why don't I like myself? After I fail to think of a decent reason, I then think that maybe my original thought is flawed.

But, for a guy that does not not like himself - I sure do a lot of damage to myself!

After my first encounter with the Wii, my tendinitis flared up. My ankles hurt for two weeks. I hobbled around my apartment for the entire time. I had to cancel various social events. Plus, I couldn't drive to go shopping, so I ended up ordering a lot of food - high carbs and salt! On top of that, I really didn't move for two weeks, so the edema on my legs got pretty fierce. Painfully so - my toes simply ached. First time my edema had gotten that bad. I felt terrible but not a damn thing I could do about it - so, I ate whatever I could get delivered and watched myself bloat up!

The last week or so has been a lot better. I can actually move and indeed I have moved whenever possible. I've even put in time on the treadmill and had my second work-out with the $300 dollars worth of Wii that I bought! The edema is down. I feel better.

However, there is always something to counter that, isn't there? Saturday I went out with friends. We went to see an outdoor movie. I knew I was setting myself up for failure, but my desire for social interaction out-weighed my good sense.

First, the movie was "Grease" - I like musicals but Grease has never done anything for me. I was going to hang with my friends, the movie could have been anything. Seattle Center is a great place - but parking is at a premium, it is Downtown after all. So, we parked and walked quite a ways. Nearly to where they were showing the movie, I just couldn't go anymore. Not only was it up hill (a very tiny hill!) but I really haven't moved that much in the last month. I had to stop my friends so I could breathe for a second. I was drenched in sweat and they were perfectly non-sweaty. I need fatter friends!

We get to where they are showing the movie. It's a large lawn. My friends spread out a couple of blankets and lay down. This was the moment I was dreading. I knew it was coming but it was worse than I thought. The lawn sloped downward. I knew I'd have trouble gracefully getting down, but with the slope I'm having visions of losing my footing, rolling over my friends, rolling all the way to the bottom of the slope, killing children, old ladies and homeless people on the way down!

So, I stood there. We got there about six. About seven, my back was hurting enough that I went ahead and lay down - but it wasn't graceful. No one died, but I pulled something in my knee on the way down. No shock - the human knee is not intended for that much pressure in that position! For the next hour I tried to get comfy and failed. I was worried about my knee and worse - I had to pee!

I got up. That's an understatement ... I willed myself upward and with herculean effort, I arose - and nope, it was not at all graceful. I looked like a complete idiot and felt worse. I went off to pee and then walked back toward where my friends were. The movie was about to start. There were a couple of benches WAAAAY off to the side. I parked my ass. I got a text from one of my friends asking if I was coming back. I explained about my knee - I wasn't in any pain, but I wasn't going to try another stunt like that.

So, that's where I sat - metal bench, couldn't quite see the movie, getting eaten by bugs - for two hours. The hike back to the car when the movie was done was something of a relief. I really like the people I was with and I was totally embarrassed. They want to go back to three more of these events. I told them; I have a TV and I have a couch. They are more than welcome to come over. We'll see.

It was such a simple thing: lay on the lawn. But, I'm so fat I can't even lay down! Oy! It's not like it was something athletic - it was laying down! How freekin' silly my life has become. How sad.

Anyway, the good news is that indeed I have been mostly good on my diet the past week. My weight above shows that. Not the lowest I've been this year, but not bad for a guy that didn't move for a month. Right now I need to go to the grocery store. Not exactly the 20 Minute Workout - but it's up walking around, making sure I have no reason to order large pizzas the rest of the week.

What the Fat??

2009-08-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Apparently, exercise will not make you thin.

It's enough to make me want to give up!

Yo-Yo much?

2009-07-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just don't get it.

I put on five pounds. I've been a good boy this week for the most part. I certainly haven't been a bad enough boy to earn five pounds!

I'm not going to let this discourage me. I've come a long way and I have a long way to go and this is merely a speed bump.

I'm really angry. I don't have anything else to say.

-9 in 7 days!

2009-07-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

Would you call this a Yo-Yo Diet yet?

Losing more than a pound a day can't be good for me. But, I don't know what, if anything, I'm doing wrong. It seems like I'm constantly eating something. It's not like I'm exercising to death - I laid around all week with my feet up due to my ankle. Looks like I'll have more of that this week as my left ankle is now on the fritz.

But, none the less, here I am.

My stomach is grumbling. I should go find breakfast. This is all so weird.

Ah, Tendinitis!

2009-07-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

Laura said...

You prolly already know this, but just in case- don't get the wii fit balance board thingie- it can only handle 250lbs. What a gyp, huh? "Get fit, but only if you're not TOOO fat."

Yeah, I looked into the Wii Fit because my friends have it and it comes with lots of cool games and neat features.

Nintendo claims that the board can handle up to a 600 pound person. However, it will only give weight up to 330 pounds. This is up from the original specs. They added 30 pounds before releasing it to the American market.

There is talk that the new Wii Fit Plus will include a balance board that can go higher. Talk is cheap. The balance board is being used for lots of games, so, hopefully, Nintendo will get over themselves and realize that fat people spend money, too. Maybe we should send Nintendo copies of Wall-E so that they can prepare for the future!

As for me, one of the purchases I made was a program called EA Sports Active. This is a fitness program. It can use the balance board, but it's not required. It has a lot of the same features as Wii Fit, but with a more "gym quality" feel to it. Whereas Wii Fit feels like a game aimed at kids - because it is. It's aimed at kids and families, trying to make exercise easy and fun.

Even the "Active" is a victim of this "mental weight limit" - the highest weight I can enter in a profile is 300 pounds. My treadmill only lets me enter 400. Someday these limits won't matter to me .........

My first work out really did bother my knees - too much running and jumping. And, I started hobbling around Tuesday as my right ankle started hurting (heavy grocery bags probably didn't help) and then kicked into full tendinitis by last night. I've stayed off it all day today. But, I've had to cancel plans for today because I can't drive. I will likely have to cancel for tomorrow and Sunday, too.

Tuesday, with my ankle starting to bother me, I did about 25 minutes of cardio boxing on the Wii with Active. That was fun! I built a little work out and it was pretty challenging - but not deadly. My biceps are still a little sore today. If I could stand for terribly long, I'd do more!

So, yeah, so far I like the Wii and EA Sports Active combo. I still need to figure out more ways to change and tailor the work outs and as I lose weight, that may not matter as much. (Currently, me running in place or jumping is sheer hilarity!) I think I still will use the treadmill here and there, maybe once or twice a week once I get all of this ramped up. The cool thing is that I can include those workouts in the Active software!

Great stuff! Once my ankle is better - more working out! Until then, I will be good on food! I've been good all week.

+11 pounds in 17 days

2009-06-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

I just reread my last post. I was so excited. So, what did I do the night after I had all that great news? I celebrated. How does a fat guy celebrate? Ate a large pizza all by myself, including full sugar Coke plus an order of Tiramisu and my boat hasn't stopped rocking until today. I have since repeated that trick twice! That's how one puts on eleven pounds in seventeen days.

If there is any good news here, it's that I didn't get above 475. I lost ground, but it's not irrecoverable. I was good today. I need to hit the grocery store, but what remained in my fridge was good stuff, so I made it through. Tomorrow will be a challenge.

Then, Saturday - well, have you ever done something that was stupid and smart at the same time? I've been spending a ton of time on Facebook playing stupid little video games. The thought kept nagging me that if I spent as much time on the treadmill as I do on those games, I'd weigh 175 by now. Yes, there is plenty of exaggeration there, but that's certainly how I feel.

Friends of mine have a Wii and they love it. There are several active video games. Even the ones not devoted to fitness have you up and moving. I started thinking that if I was going to play a video game, I could at least be off the couch, right?

So, the unemployed guy spent $300+ on a Wii plus additional software.

I went out Saturday to buy a printer. I wondered around the store and a little kid said "Mommy! There's a man over there with a really fat belly!" I get this now and then. I'm a circus side show freak to these kids. "Mommy come look, his legs are fat, too!" I turned and looked at the kid at about the time the mother grabbed him by the face, covering his mouth, and pulled him around behind the shelf she was behind. Not the kid's fault. It's a real reminder that I have to do something.

And I did. I bought fried chicken. Then I went and bought burgers and fries and a big Coke at Wendy's. Then, after the addict had his fix, I went and bought the Wii.

Not only was I good with my diet today, but I did about 30 minutes of cardio with the Wii. I need to tweak the workouts to be kinder to my knees and the thing you are supposed to wear on your thigh doesn't fit my chubby leg, so I need to buy (or build) a bigger strap, but, it was kinda fun and I had a real sense of accomplishment.

There is no magic bullet. Maybe the trick is to fire as many bullets as you can until you hit something.

Bang!

Gushing

2009-06-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

I was a little upset a couple of days ago.

With losing my job, this set off a line of dominoes that ended my insurance and that messed up my meds. I ran out of my Glyburide/Metformin. Luckily, I had given some of my older, lower dose pills to Steph who still had them. I knew I ran a big risk lowering my dose, but some was better than none, right? So, I was worried about my blood sugar - my testing was panning out, though.

I have recently gotten COBRA up and going and so I ordered a refill on my meds. When they arrived, instead of a 90 day supply, I had a ten day supply. Well, I was ready to call up MEDCO, the mail order company my insurer insists on using, and letting them have it with both barrels. But, something tugged at the back of my head and I decided to call my doctor first, just in case the mistake had been there. If they had approved the 90 day supply, I'd REALLY let MEDCO have it!

The doctor asked for the 10 day supply - I was due for my physical. My doctor can be quite sneaky and underhanded in her way! I wanted to be angry - but, dammit, I admire sneaky and underhanded!

So, this morning I fasted for my A1C, might have been a mistake, I got up at 7 and my appointment wasn't until 10:30 - yikes! Starving! I checked my weight, 464 - nothing wrong with losing three pounds since Monday! My sugga was 99 - also not bad.

I drove in, guzzling water to prep myself for my ... um ... s-a-m-p-l-e ... and the blood test. 32 ounces of water in and I walked around the mall for an hour to pump the blood a bit. They got me in a few minutes early. My blood pressure was really good! The nurse mentioned it was at a teen-ager's level. Okay! She struck blood on the first try (hydrate before a blood test!!) then it was time to give the s-a-m-p-l-e and then get naked for the doc! That woman has seen me naked more times than my ex-wife!

All the numbers came back excellent! My cholesterol was down, really down. (I have no hard proof, but lots of anecdotal evidence that low-carb dieting lowers cholesterol - word to the wise - nothing like eating bacon and eggs three or four times a week, losing weight and lowering one's cholesterol!) My sugga, by her count, was 91. (Below 100 - good!) My A1C came back 5.7. The doc likes seeing people below a 7 - so I'm well below, also very good!

The doc was congratulating me and telling me how proud she was of me. She was gushing about my results. I didn't get the dour "you can do better" look even once!

I'm not saying Januvia is a diet in pill form. However, it has been a kick in my pants. I don't think I'd be doing this well without it. (Talk to your doctors, folks!) If I can keep my sugga controlled and do what I've been doing for the last couple of months for the next year or so, I'll be in SO much better shape.

I went and had beef and broccoli with salad (no dressing, didn't look good) for, well, it was breakfast with the emphasis on "fast" at that point. I then went and saw UP, and all I had was a Coke Zero. The movie was funny and sad in a good way and since I don't do much caffeine these days, the Coke Zero is wheeeeeee! :)

Just thought I'd share the good news. How are the rest of you doing. Hmmmm???

Still bored.

2009-06-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

The diet continues, as does my unemployment. Pretty boring around here.

The big excitement is the diet. Four pounds off, down to 467, not bad at all! Sure, it's not as impressive as the ten pound shocker from last week, but it's also not as freekin' scary! I'll take four pounds a week every week from now on, thank you! That puts me at 400 pounds before the end of the year and that would be just fine!

However, I'm trying not to think about the long term goals. The immediate goals are what I need right now I think. 450 is right around the corner and I'm looking forward to it. As much as I would rather not concentrate on numbers, they are all I have. I really don't feel much better, my clothes are not fitting better and I can't tell I've lost an ounce looking in the mirror. Thirty pounds off 500 just isn't enough to give any of those effects. So, numbers are all I have.

Speaking of numbers, I like that my sugga has been somewhere between 100 and 140. You may not like those numbers, but I'm kinda stuck with them. With losing the job, I've run out of my meds and had to switch to lower doses I (luckily) kept when my dose was moved up. My insurance is back together and I should have meds this week and just in time, I was nearly out of the Januvia and I have no back up on those!

I got on the treadmill for a half hour today. I've been kicking up the incline just for a change. Nothing drastic, just a little more each time. I also did three reps of 30 wall-ups. I think I'll stick at the 30 mark for a while, let my arms catch up.

I've been good with food today and I have a steak waiting for me for dinner.

All in all, a good day on top of a good week last week. Here's hoping I can keep rolling!

Odd little day.

2009-06-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

Today has just been an odd little day.

Nothing particularly interesting to report. I just hung out at home. About 4 PM I got bored and took a four hour nap - strange for me, and now kinda bad because I'm very awake and did not cure the boredom.

Breakfast was some bacon & eggs. "Lunch" was some fruit. Dinner was steak & salad. I should have gotten on the treadmill. But, I was on the treadmill Monday, Tuesday and Thursday - no need to push my body. Tomorrow or Monday will be soon enough to get back on. Thursday I did more Wall-ups, three sets of 25 reps. My arms screamed at me at the time but quieted down nearly immediately. That could mean anything I guess.

I'm just sitting here bored, trying to decide if I should just pack it in and go back to bed. However, I had a weird little thing enter my head. I wasn't hungry. True, dinner was a lot of protein and only three hours ago. But, usually if I'm bored, I start scouting for food and thinking about what's at the store if I go get in the car. However, this time, I didn't. And, it some ways, that makes me even more bored! *Sigh!*

The Sitting Man

2009-06-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

My instep was fine this morning, but my left ankle was bothering me again. Grrrr!

My ankle doesn't feel too bad right now. So, tomorrow, I'll see about getting back on the treadmill. I need to do my wall-ups if nothing else! The good news is that I was good with food. As you can see there I started with a bowl of cereal. Unusual for a low carb diet, you say? You are correct! But, remember it's LOW carb, not NO carb. I'm not saying I would do the cereal thing everyday and consider myself to still be on the diet, but it was indeed a nice change of pace. Steph wanted me to try this Puffins Cereal. Click on the link and have a look at the Nutrition Info. Do you notice anything odd? 100 calories a serving and about 20 net carbs for those of you that speak low carb - nothing out of the unusual there. Look at the serving size: 2/3 cup! *Snicker!*

That serving size is totally hilarious to me. I actually broke out a 1/3 cup measuring cup and measured up 2/3 cup. I nearly counted the pieces, it couldn't have been more that 50 total, you can probably count them in the picture. I know I have wanted to work on portion control, but this felt so silly to me. I've shown pictures out here of my black salad bowls. Those hold a small bag of "bag salad" - I used to use those as cereal bowls. Fill it up with cheap cereal from one of those bulk bags that you get in the store and milk. Then, I'd go back and add cereal to the milk and milk to the cereal until I popped or ran out of one. Now, I have 2/3 cup of cereal, a banana, a handful of grapes, some Splenda and enough soy milk to cover and it barely half way fills a MUCH smaller bowl. Look at the size of the spoon compared to the bowl! I giggled through the whole meal, which was pretty tasty, BTW. I stopped giggling an hour later when I realized I wasn't hungry and that half a bowl of cereal and fruit filled me. (Portion Control Success!)

I'm not laughing now. I'm thinking back to the hundreds if not thousands of calories of cheap, sugary cereal and milk I used to pour into my body. All that sugar! Now I'm diabetic and lactose intolerant. Wow, no shock, huh? Geez. Dinner was good, too. Steak, mushrooms, pretty peppers, onions and garlic. I have leftover veggies for the next steak I make. Other than some lightly salted nuts and some sugar-free Jell-O, that's it for the day.

Not bad, huh? Keeping the food from feeling like I'm starving or depriving myself is the key, I think. (I hope!) I'm looking forward to next week's weigh in. Seeing 465 would be a tremendous thing! Keep your forks crossed.

The Walking Man

2009-06-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

I've been true to my word. The last two days I have done a half hour on the treadmill each day. Nothing outlandish, just good, basic movement. The meter on my treadmill says I burned about 300 calories each time. Nothing wrong with that.

Not only have I been on the treadmill, I've been doing what I like to call wall-ups. Kinda like a push-up, but instead of being on the floor, I'm leaning into a wall. Sounds silly, but I'm worried about my knees. I have very little upper body strength for my size, so putting all the stress on my knees to get to the floor to do two or three push-ups just isn't worth it! The wall-ups are doing their job, anyway! Yesterday I did three sets of 20/10/20 reps. I didn't wait long enough before my second set, my triceps just couldn't do it that fast. Today, I did the three sets of 20 reps and my triceps are telling me about it! I think I will need to do more reps before my biceps start feeling it. I have a little soreness there, but nothing like my triceps. If I can keep this up, I might eventually have something I've never had before: definition in my arms! That would be awesome!

I checked my sugga just to see. It was after Noon by this point and I hadn't eaten yet, so the 114 was a pleasant surprise. Control!

After the work out and a shower, I headed off to the grocery store. I was out of everything. (I'm still out of Splenda! D'oh!) What I ended up with there was another walk, this time for about an hour. My left in-step is yelling at me right now. It's a kinda good - kinda bad yelling. I'm still going to try to get on the treadmill tomorrow, but I'm sure the foot will not be happy about it.

The good news is that I achieved a full fridge and cupboards, all healthy food and under what I thought I would end up paying! (Got some good deals on meat!) You see, the strategy here is that if I've got a full fridge and plenty of grab and eat type foods, I won't be tempted to get in the car and go find fast food or other cheats. I am using my natural laziness as an advantage!

I'm on the wagon. What about the rest of you? Hmmmmm????? ;)

Very Confused

2009-06-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

Last week was a weird week for me. It wasn't bad, just unusual. I used that as an excuse to fall into old habits. No working out. I ate like crap. Pasta, fries, candy, cake and real soda - I ate whatever and didn't think about it. Actually, I thought a lot about it and just did it anyway - which is also my typical.

Yet, I lost 10 pounds.

How the hell do I lose 10 pounds and eat crap? Not only that, but losing 10 pounds in seven days seems really high! I'm worried about hurting myself!

My sugga this morning was at 139 - that's about right. But I'm trying to figure out the 10 pounds thing. Maybe my scale is having delusions? I dunno.

So, for the moment, I'm just going to accept it as a gift. I broke 475 - yea! I'm not going to squander this gift. I'm back on the wagon. My ankle bothered me on and off last week, but it's fine now, so I need to get on the treadmill. The longer I am heavy, the more damage that will do to my knees and ankles anyway. Dammed if I do/don't get on the treadmill so I might as well just do it!

Let's hope I can keep up a losing pace.

That's better!

2009-05-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

Yup, the counter is correct. 481. That's 8 pounds in 10 days. None too shabby!

I ran an errand first thing this morning, so I only had time for a bar. When I got back I checked my blood sugar: 115. Not shabby either - "controlled" is a good word!

So, I did some chores, then got on the treadmill. Did that for about 45 minutes - burned about 400 calories. Before my shower, I checked my sugga again for a giggle - 90! Control is good!

I've been good with food and everything.

I'm hoping to see 475 next week, but that's a lot to ask. Two weeks is good enough.

I'm so glad this is working. I want to see 400 by the end of the year!!!

Subway? D'oh!

2009-05-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'm double worried. Since I have lost my job, it seems to be taking forever for my insurance paper-work to get processed. I'm running low on my meds, running out more precisely.

However, since I've been pretty strict on my low carb, I've started having more moments of dizziness and light-headedness. Nothing severe, just know my sugga is low. I think my meds might be a tad too high. Once all of this insurance mess gets sorted and I've taken my weight down a little more, I'm going to see the doc, see what she thinks about lowering my meds.

Of course, to counteract this - I cheated. Didn't want to, ran out of options. I'm helping my friends by going to their place and letting their dog out. I was running late for letting the poor thing out, but wanted to get food so I didn't pass out! On the way to their place is a PCC. These stores are exactly where the hippies meet the yuppies - over priced, pretentious "natural" foods. Silly. But, I thought I'd have a better time there finding food on my diet than at the pizza place in the same strip mall.

No dice! Everything was bread or pasta. Their desserts were certainly tempting. The cold beverage isle was either water (I don't pay for water!) or bottled drinks so loaded with sugar as to be laughable. Not a normal diet drink to be found.

Gave up on them, running out of time on the poor dog's bladder, I went to Subway, got a double meat Club on wheat. First, that's a freakin' expensive sandwich, I never really paid attention before. The way I'm currently eating, I could have eaten for two days for the price of that sandwich. Second, could they put out a few more chips and cookies? Could they torture we carb cheaters just a bit more, huh?

I wanted the chips but passed. I oh so REALLY wanted the cookies. I don't know how I got out of there without them.

So, phooey on PCC and Subway and the Teriyaki place that was closed on Sunday - I could have made an easy choice there! The whole world is out to make me fat! Well, fatter!

It's Saturday? Really?

2009-05-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

Just another day in The Land of the Lost for me!

Hung out with a friend last night, we saw "Angels & Demons" - very close to the book, BTW - and the book was good so good have fun! I only had a Coke Zero - and a tiny bladder. I think there is something about dieting that shrinks up my stomach capacity and my bladder capacity as well. I almost never have to RUN to the bathroom in the middle of a movie. I sure did last night. Dinner was at a Thai place in the mall - I had steak and steamed veggies. The steak was incredible! It was marinated and very flavorful, plus the lime-chili-soy sauce that came with it just boosted the flavor party. In case I'm not being clear, it was really good!

Breakfast was more like lunch today - left over chicken that I baked the other day. Dinner is pictured; pan-seared petite sirloins over spiced stir-fried peppers, mushrooms and onions. Pretty darned tasty! I bought a pack of these petite sirloins the other day. For six, it was $10. Didn't seem like a bad price to me. I knew I'd make one meal and freeze the rest. I figured I'd get at least 3 meals out of the pack - $3 for a steak dinner sounds like a value to me.

Only one problem - my portion control issues. Well, my shrinking stomach stepped in and reminded me. I got through about one and a third of the steaks in the picture and only half of the veggies - that's a whole bell pepper and not a small one! Plus a whole onion, a large portion of mushrooms and four cloves of garlic! (Yum!) Anyway, the rest of the plate above is in the fridge for lunch tomorrow and I'll get another four meals out of that pack of steaks - making six $1.50 steak dinners! I feel so frugal!

I'm getting antsy about weighing in on Monday. Not nervous - I just want to have lost some weight! Over all I'm aiming at 200. I want to see 400 by the end of the year. But, I'd love to get to 475 soon - that's where I started when I began Adkins four years ago. Hitting 475 will make me feel like I'm really on track. But, immediately, hitting 485 will feel pretty good - that will be the lowest I've weighed this year. I hope to get there this week or next!

Bring on the weekend ...

2009-05-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

... and why not? It's not like it matters to me. Being unemployed, the weekend is just like any other day. The major difference is that all of a sudden your friends are very willing to do activities. Hmmm! :)

I'm still being good. Looking forward to getting on the scale on Monday - how weird is that?

I baked up a ton of chicken yesterday - so that served as yesterday's breakfast. And I have about three or four meals of left overs - total cost was about $7. Dinner was steak and salad (I apologize for the poor pic quality - took it with my cell phone. I was bragging to a friend!) I found a T-Bone in the Reduced for Quick Sale section of the grocery store's meat department. The steak was thick and quite the value. I have a cast iron grill pan - I used that to cook the steak in the oven - thank you Alton Brown! I thought I had ruined it, turned out it was nearly perfect. I used VERY little of that A1! Didn't need it. Sure, a real grill would probably have given me better results, but the pan did an amazing job! Not a bad meal for cheap(er) meat!

Breakfast this morning was fresh fruit. (Those black bowls of mine do get around, don't they?) A friend of mine over the weekend expressed her fears that I wasn't getting enough fresh fruit. As a low carb person and as a person watching his sugga and sugar intake, fresh fruit is often a no-no. However, I've been eating a lot of canned fruit recently as a replacement for candy and other sweets. So, going to fresh fruit didn't seem like such a jump. Besides, the fresh fruit with soy milk I had for "dinner" the other night was really good! The weight seems to be coming off, maybe a little fruit isn't so bad? We'll see. One of these days I need to check my blood sugar! Haven't checked in in more than a month.

But, let's think about what I actually ate here. I have:

2 Bananas
1 Pear
1 Cup Grapes
1 Cup Soy Milk
Ton of Splenda (Darn my sweet tooth!)

All told it's about 550 calories, give or take. It's also about 65 to 70 grams of sugar. So, yeah, it's a lot of sugar, but it was a lot of fruit and a good deal of protein. It's been three or so hours since breakfast and I'm still full. As per always, I need to watch my portion control, I could have had just one banana, and been 110 calories lighter and 15 carbs less. I'll probably have a decent dinner with a friend tonight and still come in well under the 2000 calorie mark.

Hopefully, the fruit was a good trade off. The scale on Monday will tell the tale. I'll let you all know!

No treadmill yet.

2009-05-20T22:52:00.000-07:00

I hurt my ankle on Monday. So, I'm taking extra ibuprofen in the hopes that I will get my ass on the treadmill next week. The ankle is better, but I'm cautious. Limping into a job interview - if I ever get one - doesn't look too good for the fat guy.

The diet is still fully on. Filled the fridge yesterday with all kinds of goodies. Chicken and little steaks and salad and sugar free Jell-o for snacking, etc. I bought fresh bananas and pears and grapes. Looooooow carb!

Today was bacon and eggs for breakfast. Lunch was left over roast chicken. Dinner ended up being two bananas, sliced, with the end of last week's grapes, Splenda and soy milk. I had Jell-o pudding for a snack. Being unemployed means having no structure and meals are starting to get fuzzy for me. I've been going to bed late, which means getting up late, so by the time I check my email and goof around, "breakfast" is actually closer to eleven or noon. Everything just migrates from there.

Did something last night I haven't done in years: played D&D with friends on a school night! It was pretty fun, except for one little issue. The DM used candy to represent the monsters on the board. So, when you killed a monster, he offered the candy to you! I think next time I'll bring some sugar-free stuff so I don't sit there and drool over the Rolos and Gummi Bears! Don't even get me going about the ice cream everyone ate after they finished their pasta! Oy!

I left my diet around here somewhere ...

2009-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

I'm in the new apartment. My soon to be ex-wife is in her new place. My job is gone, lost that a month ago now. My life has certainly taken a turn.

I'm hoping to find a new job fairly quick, but I know with the market and my (rusted) skill set, that won't happen soon. I have a shot at a job in California, I'm just not looking forward to moving to Cali.

So, I'm watching every penny. Since I'm watching my money so close, I might as well watch what I'm eating, too, right? For about the last three weeks I have been mostly on my low carb diet. Yeah, I cheated, but it's been way more on days than off.

This past weekend, I knew I would be hanging out with friends, going to the movies, etc. - I fully intended on cheating to high heaven. It's depressing being broke and out of work, I deserved a little comfort food, right? So, Friday night I'm chatting with a certain other blogger that shall remain nameless. As we are chatting, I get curious and go plug in my scale. I weigh 489 - not bad for a guy that wasn't trying too hard, not exercising and cheating like a bandit. Where could I be if I actually tried?

Dammit! There goes all my fun for the weekend! :)

I did have one seriously carb heavy cheat meal, but I was good the rest of the weekend and I have been good since. I'm especially proud of the movie excursion. I brought peanuts and cashews from the drug store (why don't they sell nuts at the movies?) and I got a Coke Zero at the theater. A little high in salt, but on my diet.

Right now I'm writing out my grocery list. I've been a dumb boy and left myself with no food in the house and now I have to go to the store hungry - mistake! However, if I stick to my list, I'll be fine. I will most likely be coming home with a roast chicken, though!

Oh! That reminds me. For you low carbers out there, I love the new "grilled" chicken at KFC. It's pricey, but for fast food it's pretty good stuff. It's an answer to the drive-thru dilemma.

This is a new post.

2009-03-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd remind you all what a new post out here looks like.

This would be it.

I'll get back on the diet soon. March has been a bite in the ass and I don't expect better from April. Come May, things will calm back down and I'll have nothing better to do than diet, get on the treadmill and diet. (That's right - I'll double up on the dieting!) I have a doctor's appointment first week of May - she will be unhappy with me, but I don't know how else to handle things right now.

The weight above is accurate as of Monday. I've put back a few I lost. Considering how I have been eating, I'm shocked it's not more. I'll keep updating my weight.

All things will be better in May. Well, not all things I guess, but I will get back on the diet.

"On" by Accident.

2009-03-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've said this phrase a lot recently: I didn't plan to be here, I tripped and this is where I landed.

For breakfast I had three pieces of bacon. Later, I had a bar. Then, I looked up and it was 3:45. So, I had another bar and some nuts.

Dinner was two chicken breasts that I grilled up with just garlic powder and Ms. Dash - the skin was on and I grilled them just about perfectly. They were only a little dry. I had a salad with that and by passed an offer of Girl Scout Cookies.

I might have some canned fruit before bed. Either way, I didn't go get the Reese's Peanut Butter Bunny that I thought about getting earlier today.

Sounds pretty good now ... :)

What the Doc said ...

2009-03-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a week since I've written. Been a wild ride, lots going on.

I haven't been terribly "on" - my diet has been the last thing on my mind. My wife and I are finally out of the closet about our divorce. We've spent most of the last week getting apartments and pulling apart our finances.

Saw the doctor Friday. Before I went, I checked my sugga, 114 - the lowest I'd seen. My weight was 487. The doctor took my blood, my sugga was 78 - the lowest I have ever seen in the four plus years I've been measuring. However, my A1C was 8.3. The doc said she likes to see her diabetic patients around a 7. No shock, my sugga has been falling, but it's taken its own sweet time. So, she is putting me on Januvia as well as my other meds.

She joked that she has seen some weight loss with this drug, she hoped I wouldn't mind. My doc is a card!

Steph is letting me keep the treadmill - her apartment complex has a gym that looks like a mini-Bally's. Good news for both of us.

I'll get back on hardcore soon. Between the time we are spending with this "reorg" of our lives and the emotional eating opportunities, the diet is taking a back seat.

Flailing

2009-03-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

I was a bad boy this weekend, and I paid for it. I managed to put on 5 pounds with three days of cheating and my blood sugar was 174 on Monday.

I've been good since.

But, tonight all I wanted was to bury myself in food. Today was quite possibly the worst day I've had at work in months, and that's saying something. When your new manager tells you that "maybe this isn't the place for you" and you have had nothing but problems finding another job before the economy tanked - well, all I wanted to do was crawl in the corner.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. Suddenly my diet is the last thing on my mind.

I'm going to bed now.

New Jeans

2009-02-27T23:07:00.000-08:00

My wife bought me a couple of new pairs of jeans. Today being "Casual Friday" at work - a relatively new thing in my office, I wore my new jeans. Nothing special about them. They are comfy and inexpensive. However, I managed to get the waist on them adjusted about perfectly on the first try: not too tight to cut into me and not too loose so that they just fall off. Not bad.

I was good on food at work. I had and omelet and bacon for breakfast, an apple and nuts for snacks and some left over turkey for lunch.

However, we had a little deja vu at dinner. We had a friend over this evening and it was determined that we should get pizza. So, I ate and ate well and the pizza was the best pizza I've had in ages. The carrot cake afterward was good as well.

I don't think I can continue this trend of being good all day and going wild at night, but it was fun the last two days. Back to the grindstone tomorrow. I doubt Monday is going to be terribly impressive for numbers.

Comfort Food

2009-02-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

I missed posting yesterday. I started this blog and this diet with all kinds of gusto - I was going to finally do it! I was going to stick with a diet and lose all the weight and I was going to post my triumphs to my blog every day.

That lasted about a week.

I've learned a few truths in the last two months. For one, there is no such thing as "every day" in my life. Each day is unique. Many more of them are in the "sucks" pile than I would like, but they are all different. The second truth I have learned is that the road to discipline is fraught with distractions and detours - and apparently I am something of a tourist. But, the journey isn't about what distracted you along the way, it's about getting back on the right road and getting to your destination. I wish I had learned that lesson the last time I seriously dieted. Four years, quite the detour.

Nothing unusual about yesterday. I was a good boy food wise, I stayed up too late and went to bed without writing my post. That would have made a pretty boring post, no?

Today was different. We had some snow this morning, so we decided to go in a little late, let the suckers get off the highway. Steph made me some eggs for breakfast - very nice of her.

I got to work and ate a Slim Fast bar. About an hour later, I started having lower GI issues, I won't give too many details, but I was in the Gents every hour after that. I tried eating a pear, but that was about all the food I got.

As if my job hasn't been bad enough this week - I had to do it out of the john!

By the time dinner rolled around, I had taken enough TUMS to calm my pipes. I was starving and wanted comfort food. Lipton Chicken Flavored Noodles with left over turkey. It was really good and just what my over exerted system wanted.

The huge piece of chocolate cake that followed was for my soul. It was damned good, too.

If it tells you anything, I washed it down with a Diet 7UP. Apparently this old dog does learn new tricks.

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

So, if I've been dieting since before the beginning of the year, does that mean I get freebie calories from God for Lent?

Yeah - didn't think so! :)

Soy milk with my meds. Three strips of bacon and a sausage patty for breakfast. Lunch was leftover chicken and broccoli. There were some nuts here and there. Dinner was turkey and salad. I considered fruit after dinner, but I was too full!

They had one of their anniversary things today at work. No cupcakes this time, but lots of yummy smelling pop corn. I resisted. I wasn't willing to trade my streak for a handful of cheap pop corn.

Now, if we were talking half a birthday cake - you might have a deal! :)

It's all good.

2009-02-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

So, the weekly weigh in came up three pounds lighter at 486. We're finally seeing progress! Blood sugar was 145, not too bad.

Breakfast was three strips of bacon and a sausage patty. Would have been frittata, but they used powdered egg in it and it sucked. C'mon! Use the real eggs! Support the economy!

Lunch was teriyaki. I walked back and didn't have to stop to pull up my pants once! I had nuts for a snack and had a soy shake before I left for the day.

Dinner was mustard chicken left overs and home-made coleslaw. Steph is an awesome cook!

A good day on the diet. (I'm feeling the zone, Sue!) I hope I can keep going with this three or more pounds a week. At three pounds a week, I wouldn't be worried about losing weight too fast and I'd see 400 by about September. Not bad.

Geeking out with Friends

2009-02-21T21:42:00.001-08:00

Hung out with my friends today, being a geek.

The day started off with some really good scrambled eggs - I made them! Four eggs, cooked in better, with cheese. Excellent!

I snacked on nuts. About 4PM we got around to getting some food. I got a HUGE portion of teriyaki. I ordered extra meat, but I didn't think they would give me a trunk full of chicken! I was so hungry that I slipped into my old habits and gorged before I thought about what I was doing. It was pretty good stuff, though!

I might have some jello or fruit before bed. I didn't do too bad today.

Booooring! :)

2009-02-20T22:45:00.000-08:00

Breakfast was large; I had an omelet with onions, peppers, ham & cheese, four strips of bacon and a sausage patty. Needless to say I wasn't hungry for hours.

Lunch was a large serving of left over turkey. I had an apple before I left work. I didn't even eat any nuts today!

Dinner was Chicken and Snow Peas from our favorite Chinese place. I ate about a third of the serving. It was good, but it didn't take much to fill me.

Sour Dough

2009-02-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

I was starving by the time I had my breakfast, the little bit of soy milk I had with my meds had gone away. So, I had a sandwich: two slices of sour dough, two slices of cheddar, a sausage patty and I asked for four strips of bacon but I think the guy gave me six or more. It was a hell of a good sandwich - too bad about the carbs. I'll live.

The rest of the day was okay. I had nuts and a pear for snacks. Lunch was a salad with left over turkey. Dinner was a burrito bowl from Chipoltle: beans, steak, cheese, sour cream and some lettuce garnish because there wasn't much room left in the bowl!

I think I will survive a carb here and there. Had I eaten the donuts that looked good at Club 40 this morning or the cookies from Specialty's (Huge box! Free! Muffins, too!) or the rice or chips from Chipoltle tonight, that would be a different story.

I'm looking forward to seeing my numbers on Monday.

Just to make it official ...

2009-02-18T20:40:00.000-08:00

Food for the day:

Soy milk with meds. Two strips of bacon and a sausage patty plus maybe three bites of the powdered eggs. (I put in my suggestion last week - I guess they haven't gotten there yet.)

Lunch was salad with left over turkey, plus two fruit cups in Splenda syrup. Probably won't buy those again, the mandarin oranges were totally tasteless and smelled weird. There were nuts here and there to keep the tummy happy.

Dinner was essentially chili on salad with sour cream - my wife's idea of "low carb taco salad."

Nothing wrong with the day.

Suspension Bridge

2009-02-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

Quoteth the Squishy!:

Hey Jericho! Have you thought about investing in some suspenders? I'm sure that they would be much more comfortable, and your pants wouldn't fall off. If you didn't want anyone to see them, you could just wear them over a t-shirt and then pull on your regular shirt over them. Personally though, I like suspenders. My papa always wore them, and I thought they looked sharp on those guys in the older movies- back in the days when people wore nice clothes regularly.

Anyway, it's just an idea- something to possibly get you by until your clothes fit you the way that you want them too.

Nope, hadn't considered suspenders, but I am now!

It's probably a real good idea. See, I have this "apron gut." It flows down most of my front. These days I wear really loooong shirts to cover it. (If they made 7XL Tall shirts, I'd buy them!). With most of my shirts, my belly is barely hidden, just a half inch above the bottom of the shirt. (My shirt today is super long! Love It!!!)

However, my fear is that as I lose weight, the apron/balloon will deflate and the skin will dip even lower. My hope is that it will begin to retract, but who knows? As big as my belly is it might end up around my knees!

I was not looking forward to having to purchase some new, large waist pants, and put a belt around my gut. Or, maybe wearing a girdle. However, now that we are thinking about suspenders, that might be a better solution. I'll look like a Simpson's character for a while (Hell! Who am I kidding? I look like Homer now!) - but that is much preferred to having gross looking flesh peeking out from under my shirt.

And, yes, someday there will have to be a tummy tuck. Affording it is a different question.

There's my saddle!

2009-02-17T22:21:00.001-08:00

It's always in the last place you look!

Yes, I'm back in the saddle. The 5AM alarm did not succeed in getting me on the treadmill, but that was my biggest problem for the day.

I began the day with some Silk for my meds - it's a little high in carbs, switching from the chocolate to the vanilla as soon as this one is done, the vanilla has less sugar. It's only a few swallows, enough to get my meds down and qualify as "food".

Breakfast was two bacon strips and a sausage patty - I know, huge breakfast!

By lunch I was pretty starved, the nuts I ate were not enough. I walked down to my favorite teriyaki place and got a beef & chicken combo, no rice with extra veggies.

I'd walk down there more often, but, I have a problem: I don't own a waist. Since I'm all belly from my boobs to my knees, I wear my pants under my belly. (I could wear them over my belly, but either I would need a ten foot long belt or I would need to wear them under my boobs - not sexy!)

I wear the draw string pants. If I wear a belt, eventually the buckle cuts into my belly and hurts - to the point of bruising and even bleeding! If I wear a belt, or wear my pants tight enough to stay up, they cut in and that hurts. If I wear them loose enough to not hurt, they drop to my ankles - FUMP!

Every now and then I get my drawstring ~ just so ~ and the pants stay up with minimal effort and don't hurt. This is SO rare and with my body changing shape, it literally varies from day to day. (See recent weight fluctuations) Today was not a good pants day.

The whole walk down I'm tugging my pants up. On the way back, I have a package ... of food! So I have to stop at least every block if not twice every block, put down my food, tug up my pants, then off I go on my chubby way again. It's annoying and embarrassing.

Dinner was turkey and salad - nothing too exciting but it was tasty and most importantly ... ON!

Rough Day

2009-02-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

So, for the good news: Yes, I finally - FINALLY! - got below 490. 489 is not a bad number when one has struggled to get there for two months. My blood sugar was 174 - which is down from last Monday, also a good deal.

But, as soon as I won one, I lost one.

I had a long and emotionally charged conversation with my wife. It wasn't a "fight" - she and I are confrontation-phobes so we don't "fight." But, it was none the less difficult. After that, my diet just didn't matter. It was also after 1PM and I hadn't eaten yet so I was ready to eat anything.

I'm not going to detail the embarrassing amount of food I tried to shove into myself to make me feel better. It was a lot of food. So much food I wasn't hungry for dinner.

I can't imagine what my blood sugar looks like now.

Pizza & Fries

2009-02-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

I took my meds with some chocolate Silk. "Breakfast" was closer to "Lunch" and consisted of chicken stew leftovers.

Steph made us some coffee drinks. Mine was more half & half than coffee. The combination of the coffee and my new found (and oft forgotten) lactose intolerance left me dashing for the bathroom. The grapes while I was watching TV might have aided this process.

Of course while we were watching TV, they pounded us with fast food commercials, leading both of us to moan in delight and scream in exasperation. Along the line Steph mentioned the combination of Pizza and French Fries - and that just sounded so GOOD.

That's all it took. That combo stuck in my head. I was nearly chanting this phrase: Pizza & Fries. PIZZA & FRIES!!

When it came time for dinner, I was in quite a knot. I really wanted Pizza & Fries. I knew it was a stupid idea. It sounded good, it might even taste good, but I would have felt like crap afterward and I've done so well this week. On the other hand, nothing else was going to taste as good as my brain had built up the combo of Pizza & Fries to taste. I was having an emotional tug of war with my mind, my diet, my addiction and a fictional fast food combination. It was stupid and I knew it was at the time. No matter what I did, I was making a poor choice. Finally, I told Steph that I'd rather starve.

Yes, I know how stupid all of that sounds. I knew it at the time. I'm really struggling with this diet. I'm winning the battles and yet it feels like I'm losing the war.

In the end, Steph was the sensible one. Bunless triple Whoppers and Tender Grill Salads from BK were purchased and consumed.

My weigh in tomorrow morning should be interesting.

Movie Night

2009-02-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

Late brunch - quiche; eggs, onion, bacon, ham & cheese. My wife makes awesome food.

We went to the movies with friends. No popcorn or candy, just a Diet Coke.

Dinner was back at our friends' place. We bought dinner fixins since they bought the movie - this included white sauce for their home-made pasta and a full cheesecake. Did I have any? Nope. Steak and salad.

Getting tired of steak & salad. I want more donuts and cheesecake.

I'm going to bed soon - I'll try not to dream of donuts.

Not too bright, this one.

2009-02-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

I forgot that Steph was taking the day off today, so I got up late. I rushed through my shower and got dressed. I remembered Steph had packed my lunch Thursday night, so I shoved it in my bag and headed for work.

When I got to work, I smelled something I recognized. Sweet, but with a hint of fat. I followed my nose to four dozen free donuts that someone brought for the team. They were so pretty and smelled divine. I took a big whiff ... and headed for Club 40.

Friday is omelet day at Club 40, mushrooms and cheddar, as well as four bacon strips and two sausage patties (The donuts made me HUNGRY!)

My day, in a word, sucked. I really considered leaving early. On a bright note that was something of a mixed blessing, there was an announcement that due to all of our hard work on the project I worked on all week, management bought us pizza. The pies from local killer pizza place Zeek's arrived at about noon. I followed my nose to eight fresh baked, perfect pizzas. I took a big whiff ... and headed for Club 40.

Nothing appealed to me at Club 40. The salad bar looked awful. They had General Tso's Chicken with rice - just a FEW carbs there. I was in such a bad mood I said the hell with it and went back to my desk. I had nuts and a bar if I needed it.

About 1:30 a friend of mine came by and wanted to go sit and eat lunch at Club 40. I had very little else to do, so, sure, I went with him. Nothing looked good, so I settled for a roast beef and cheddar sandwich on caraway rye bread. Good sandwich - the first carbs I had all week!

As I was getting ready to leave for the day, I picked up my bag and it seemed awful heavy. Oh yeah! My lunch bag that I totally forgot! Left over turkey and Asian BBQ pork - perfect for adding to a salad, not to mention little fruit cups with Splenda! That would have been WAY better than the sandwich - D'oh!!!

Dinner was low carb chicken stew - Steph's most recent proud creation. It was pretty good - I went back for seconds!

Got up too early.

2009-02-12T22:34:00.000-08:00

Got up at 5AM to head into work for a project. I was at the bus stop at 6 and at my desk at 7. I had a shake with my meds, at 5:30, so by 7:30 I was a little shaky - my vision always goes a little wonky and I get a little dizzy and feel kinda fragile when my blood sugar drops. Club 40 wasn't open yet, luckily I had a meal replacement bar.

About 9 I went for breakfast. I stupidly ordered the powdered eggs and four strips of bacon. Eggs went into the garbage. They just put up a suggestion box - I plan to fill it for them!

By the time 1PM rolled around, I was dying. I had had a few nuts, but they were not filling the void. There was turkey on the salad bar, so a large salad was consumed.

Dinner was turkey. Just turkey. Good turkey.

I finished the project, thankfully. Tomorrow is Friday, followed by a three day weekend. I can use all of those that I can get!

Flakey Blood Sugar

2009-02-11T19:40:00.000-08:00

So, this morning I took my blood sugar. After yesterday's great readings I thought it might be col to see further progression. No dice. My Sugga was 211. I don't understand how less than 12 hours after getting a 140 and not in taking any food, I went up 70 points. Screwed up body! I'm not letting it get to me, it's just weird.

Breakfast was bacon, sausage and fruit salad. I had an apple. Lunch was Leftover Surprise comprised of chicken with snow peas from last night, chicken satay from the this weekend and pineapple chunks left over from the Super Bowl - it was a smaller portion than it might sound. I had some nuts. Dinner was a bunless triple whopper and salad. Portion size was good, but I was a little high on fruit. I'll watch that.

I'm off to work early tomorrow to handle a project.

Totally Forgot My Update!

2009-02-11T10:55:00.001-08:00

And I was a good boy yesterday, too!

Started the day off with a random blood sugar test. It was 161. Not shabby, getting better all the time.

Breakfast was two strips of bacon, a sausage patty and an apple.

Lunch was two burger patties (rubber!) with cheese and pickles & a salad.

There were nuts for snacks.

Dinner was chicken with snow pea pods and egg drop soup from our favorite Chinese place to celebrate Steph's birthday. No rice, no noodles, nothing!

All I drank yesterday was water.

This radical U-turn in my diet has hit my lower GI pretty hard. So, since I was in the bathroom anyway, I again checked my Sugga: 140. This was about an hour after dinner. Not bad.

Last week I ate like a pig!

2009-02-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

But, I'm back on this week. I weigh 495 and my blood sugar was 194 this morning. Considering how I abused myself over the weekend, I'm shocked it wasn't higher.

And, BTW, no worries, Sue. I was a BIG pig! On top of that, I missed a post yesterday.

Breakfast was three poached eggs (I should say rubber eggs, ate them anyway) two slices of bacon and one sausage patty. Lunch was a medium salad, no meat - all they had was ham. Dinner was a T Bone and salad. I drank water until I got home, and I've only had one can of Diet Rite (No sugar, No caffeine).

My ankle is bothering me. My tendinitis is acting up from all the driving I did this weekend. Hopefully that will clear up before the end of the week and I can get on the tread mill.

I've got a lot on my mind, the job is just the most obvious stressor. I need to find better outlets for my stress than eating. I also need to change my attitude. Last week I allowed the fact that I only lost one pound become a rallying point for my stress to push me over to old, bad habits. I was telling myself that at one pound a week it would take me six years to lose the weight and that I could not stand to diet for six years. Well, duh, I am going to have to watch my weight for not just six years, but the rest of my life. And, a pound lost is better than a pound gained. Losing a pound a week is what normal dieters do. It's a reasonable, healthy thing. My need for instant gratification needs to take a hike. I won't find instant satisfaction with my diet or the results of my diet - I've got a long road ahead.

Good Day. Still off.

2009-02-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

I had a good, relaxing day. I ate like a pig.

Tie some knots in that rope, I'll climb back in the wagon on Monday.

Still Off

2009-02-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Breakfast was an omelet, with potatoes. Lunch was a sandwich and pretzels. I bought Nilla wafers. I drank full sugar soda.

Dinner was a Mexican food feast.

Ummm ... yeah. Monday will be interesting.

Totally Off

2009-02-05T22:41:00.000-08:00

Totally off today. Didn't even care.

I'll get back on. Over the weekend or Monday.

Monday's numbers will likely suck. Serves me right for jumping off the wagon. Jumping off into the arms of the whore I love: food. My drug, my poison.

Didn't win the lotto. Played again. You people need to pray harder!

Still Alive, Mostly "On"

2009-02-04T21:02:00.001-08:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, here, it's worth one blog post. That is exactly how I feel. I can't think of anything else to say.

Stress Eating

2009-02-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

I didn't go to bed at 6 last night. I stayed up and ate pasta with Alfredo sauce and chocolate chip cookies. Tonight I had two Big Macs and fries and more chocolate chip cookies.

Do I feel good about this? No. But, I'm an addict, when I get stressed, I go to where I'm happy, and that's with a pile of junk food in front of me.

I don't know what to do about my job. I couldn't find another job before the economic crash. Now I'm really and truly stuck. And the stress is just getting worse and worse. I'm ready to scream. Or eat myself to death.

I played the Lotto - pray for me.

Too Frustrated

2009-02-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

Today has been a real bitch at work. I got a good breakfast, fried eggs and bacon, but then work went down hill. I didn't get lunch until 1:30 and then I had the pulled pork sandwich. Bread - not quite comfort food.

At this point I'm going to go home, change the cat boxes (joy) and go right to bed.

Very Frustrated

2009-02-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

My blood sugar is 189. I only lost one pound. If I had drank a glass of water I wouldn't have noticed that loss. My blood sugar is up. Sure, it's only a small amount, but it should be down, not up.

Perfect way to start the week. Perfect.

Super Bowl ... of Chili

2009-02-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

I began my Sunday by sleeping in, then grabbing a shower, my meds and a shake before we headed out for an errand. While out, Steph and I were so hungry we had a hot dog. I don't think the carbs in a bun will kill me. The dog itself was good!

It being Super Bowl Sunday, and we being fat people, Steph prepared food for twelve. The smart thing she did was make it all low carb. We have left overs for the week.

I stayed low carb and I think I can say I even stayed on the good side of portion control, but I did indeed eat! There was Sweet & Sour Meatballs, Chili (Super Yum!), Teriyaki Chicken Legs, celery and Ranch dip, cole slaw, green grapes and a full on craving for chocolate ship cookies that I never fulfilled. I don't know where the cookie craving came from, but I specifically wanted chocolate chip cookies. Not cake or donuts, chocolate chip cookies. Go fig!

So far this has been an interesting diet. The blog thing is unique for me. I have never filled out a blog daily and I didn't think I'd make a full month, but indeed I have. I hope that it's been worthwhile reading my ramblings - it's certainly keeping me honest.

Couch Pear

2009-01-31T22:39:00.000-08:00

I can't have potatoes, thus I'm a couch pear. I thought about "couch apple" but that brings up the wrong image!

Today was spent watching TV on the couch. Yeah, it wasn't active, but I just don't have the energy. Once I'm used to the amped up meds, maybe I'll get around a bit more.

I had a shake. Then I had baked chicken and cole slaw. I finished the chicken for dinner. I had fruit and nuts and pears and grapes as snacks. Not bad on food.

It was a good, relaxing day.

Just Friday

2009-01-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

I had my shake, then an omelet and two sausage patties for breakfast. Lunch was chicken left overs with broccoli. There were nuts, a pear and an apple.

Dinner was a large portion of teriyaki with a small salad.

I avoided cake at a work function. I might have a pear before I go to bed.

I better lose weight on Monday!

What the Gordita???

2009-01-29T21:32:00.000-08:00

I took my blood sugar this morning, 184 means the pills are working.

I had my shake with my meds. My breakfast was powdered eggs, sausage patty and bacon, except the eggs were so bad I tossed them. About 11 I was STARVING. I had already eaten some nuts and a pear, but I was dying. So, I went back to Club 40 and got a grilled cheddar and bacon sandwich on marble rye. Yeah, it was good. It was bread, but it wasn't a lot of beard - they were serving other sandwiches on Texas Toast!

Lunch was chicken and broccoli and I had an apple. When I got to the car, Steph and I were immediately talking about dinner. Both of us were hungry, stressed and wanted junk food. It's an hour home and the whole thing was an ordeal! What junk food do you want? Should we really cheat? What junk food do you want? If I cheat I have to put it in my blog - $#@&$# BLOG!!!

I came to the conclusion that I might as well just go home and go to bed. If we didn't cheat, the food would not be what I wanted. If I did cheat, I'd feel all guilty and, really, is a meal worth that much guilt?

In the end, Steph made chicken and salad. It wasn't a cheat and it wasn't what I wanted. The fruit and Jello helped my sweet tooth but only a little.

I hate being fat. But, I hate being an addict more. There had better be some weight loss on Monday. If there isn't, I don't know what I'll do!

Just a day.

2009-01-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

I doubled my meds today. Last time I have to do that until the doc sees me. No ill effects so far. I think I might check my blood sugar in the morning to see where I am.

Shake, bacon, sausage, (very little) powdered eggs, nuts, poultry over salad, apple, small T Bone and broccoli. *Yawn!* At this stage in the diet, food loses all it's sparkle and interest for me. It's just food. This must be how heroin addicts feel about methadone.

Kinda looking forward to weighing in on Monday, I hope to see some weight gone.

Waste of a Donut!

2009-01-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

I love donuts. No, seriously, it's like a romantic thing with me. I'm very affectionate with my pastry!

When I got to work today, I went to Club 40 and saw that, unlike many days, they had donuts. Good donuts and a bunch of them. I could have bought four of them. I would have enjoyed them very much. Instead I had powdered eggs. Life isn't fair.

I also had bacon and a sausage patty and a salad with chicken for lunch and left over quiche for dinner with canned fruit and sugar free Jello for dessert. Nuts for a snack. I know you know most of this.

The worst part is that when I went to get my salad at lunch, two of the donuts from breakfast were wrapped in plastic and still for sale. But, they are never as good that late in the day. What a waste. I would have made a good donut daddy. A proud pastry parent!

Relapse

2009-01-26T21:08:00.000-08:00

Being an addict means you are always saying you are sorry.

But, I'm not sorry. Not yet.

The day started off as good as a Monday can. My blood sugar was 202. The increased meds are indeed working. I still have a double up on those in a couple of days - I'm sure my number will go down further. My weight went to 492. I guess it's better than going up. I sure would like to see less than 490 - not that I will get there quick.

I had my shake-meds cocktail. Breakfast was a small portion of powdered eggs, two strips of bacon and two sausage links, not patties - smaller!

I had some nuts. Lunch was left over chicken and turkey over salad. I had an apple in the afternoon.

A combination of hunger, stress and my wife and I enabling each other led us to another casino buffet for dinner. (Lots of casinos in the area!) I went fully intending to stuff my face while stuffing my diet! I didn't care. I needed my fix.

Somewhere my brain kinda kicked in, a little. I opened with protein, a lot of protein! I'm not going to say how much exactly, let's just say it was very much. By the time I got all the protein down, the fire was out of me and I only had room for one, very nice, piece of chocolate cake. It was REALLY good.

So, dinner was a total loss, full of disaster and shame - and excellent chocolate cake. The rest of the day, food wise, was okay.

Blart

2009-01-25T22:24:00.000-08:00

Steph and I got up and out before 10 AM. Not bad for a Sunday. We wanted breakfast before we did a few fun errands.

Breakfast was three fried eggs, three bacon strips and a 12 oz. tri tip. I also ate the fruit garnish. I however did not get any bread or hash browns.

We did our errands, then went off to the movies. We finally got to see the movies we wanted to see last weekend: Paul Blart Mall Cop and Bride Wars. No pop corn or candy. I had a large Coke Zero.

Dinner was from Chipotle, a Burrito Bowl. I had steak, beans, sour cream, cheese and lettuce. I also had a pear.

I'm far too caffeinated to go to bed right now, so I don't see myself on the treadmill tomorrow. But, I am increasing my meds tonight and I'll check my blood sugar and weight tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Lazy Saturday

2009-01-24T22:57:00.000-08:00

I got up before 8. I did something this morning I haven't done in a long while: I sat down and played WoW! It's easy to while away some hours there - just letting one's ass expand ...

Then, I took my meds with a shake. Steph made her soon to be famous crustless quiche. It was good and I had a goodly chuck of it.

I then settled my ass in for much TV watching. Along the way I ate lots of nuts, an apple, a pear and some celery with cream cheese.

Dinner was baked meatballs left overs and salad. Dessert was some HUGE seedless grapes.

High on the fruit sugars, but considering how desperately I wanted Reese's Peanut Butter cups and chocolate in general, I'd call today a win.

Tomorrow night I up my meds again.

Terisucky

2009-01-23T22:42:00.000-08:00

Friday is omelet day at work. Mine had ham, sausage and bacon. I added two additional strips of bacon. Yum!

Lunch, however, sucked. I went to the food court at West Lake Mall, I ran an errand near by. I found a teriyaki place and thought that would be a good bet. I started with the woman at the register who did not really speak English. She just made noises, then made them louder when I didn't understand her. For example, she said "Joowan dwick?" Which I interpreted to mean "Would you like a tasty beverage with your meal?" Luckily, I was correct.

I ordered the beef teriyaki. What I got was a pile of white rice, some over-cooked veggies, what I hope was some type of beef fried in sauce and topped in even more sauce. My request for no sauce and no rice resulted in double for both. This and a large diet "dwick" cost me $9. I ate the beef and veggies. I threw away about two pounds of rice dripping in sugar-sauce.

Steph made baked meatballs and salad for dinner. Much tastier!

Had a couple of light headed moments today. Gotta love new drugs!

Coming to Grips

2009-01-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not happy about the blood sugar issues and having to increase my meds. I know there is nothing I can do and that I just need to move on - but I'm just not wired like that. I'm frustrated and tired and tired of being frustrated and tired.

Food was pretty simple today. Shake, powdered eggs, two bacon and a sausage patty, chicken over salad. A pear and nuts for snacks. Dinner was take-out teriyaki with no sauce. I also had a little left over cheese dip - I think I had more celery than dip.

I'm looking forward to measuring my blood sugar on Monday. I am hopeful I will see a number well below 300. I don't expect to see any weight loss. The following Monday will be a different story.

Missed one!

2009-01-22T10:10:00.001-08:00

I missed my post last night. I'm getting a little lazy with this.

So, as for yesterday, I did indeed go to the doctor. My doctor thanked me for coming in - I guess I scared her. She increased the dosage on my meds, one by 8X and the other by 4X. I'll be ramping up to that level over the next week. We'll see how it goes.

As for food yesterday, well, I fasted before I went to the doctor so that she could run an A1C test. So, by the time I left the doctor, I was going to go find some food. Finding decent food Downtown before lunch isn't the easiest deal. So, I just went home. By the time I got back to my car in Kent, then did one errand for the wife, it was Noon. There is an Indian Buffet I have wanted to try for a while. I think I had some chicken, I know I lost a layer of skin due to the spiciness. I, unfortunately, was served some of the best Naan I have ever eaten! (I was hungrier than I was smart.)

After than I had some nuts and some sugar free Jell-o. Dinner was steak and salad.

I will go back to see the doctor in six weeks. I'm hoping the meds work and maybe I can start taking off the weight.

I nearly went to bed before writing this!

2009-01-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. Then I'm going to see a movie and generally take the day off! This will give the doctor whatever time she needs to run whatever tests she wants to run.

Food today didn't go badly. I had bacon and sausage for breakfast. I had chicken over salad for lunch. Dinner was turkey and cole slaw. There was a banana, an apple, some nuts for snacks and I had fruit cocktail for dessert.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My body is falling apart randomly and I just never know what's going to fall off next.

I hear you, Sue. Thank you.

2009-01-19T22:31:00.000-08:00

Today I lost faith. But, it's only temporary.

I got up this morning and checked The Sugar. My blood sugar measured at 303. It should be around 100. It was like 96 this summer, the last time I saw my doctor. Something has changed. I've been able to bring it down, but not enough. So, yeah, I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow.

Then, I got on the scale: 496. I have been behaving. I have been up and moving. I have been denying myself everything and the weight is just fluctuating in the same ten pound range. By now I should be below 490. My bet is that with my blood sugar off, I'm just spinning my wheels.

So, yeah, I went off the diet today. Food is my drug and I needed a fix. I had fast food and candy. There wasn't much in the house that wasn't "on" and my stomach has shrunk so much I can't eat buckets of food. But, I pretty much snacked out all day. If it says anything, I ordered a diet cola with my fast food. Gods I'm fucked up.

The diet will resume tomorrow. I'm up too late for a workout. But, I will call my doctor. I'll figure it out yet.

A string of minor disasters.

2009-01-18T23:15:00.000-08:00

This morning began well enough. I had a small piece of quiche. We decided to go to the movies.

We were cutting it close to late, but we would only miss the previews. I got out of the shower and got dressed in one of my favorite pairs of pants. As I was getting dressed, Steph stepped out of her shower ... kinda limpy-gimpy. She had bent down to pick up a bra and pulled her back. She still wanted to go to the movies - I thought we should cancel, but we geared up to go.

I was all set to beat the Theater Challenge! I would get a diet cola at the concession stand and have it refilled for the second movie, thus halving its price. Caffeine is an appetite suppressant, right? Plus, I brought a baggy of nuts and some low-carb bars for snacking. I wasn't about to give into the candy and popcorn monsters!

We got out to the car to see we were parked a little close to the next car. I was going to drive since Steph's back hurt. Getting in was a tight squeeze, but I made it! However, my pants didn't! As I sat down, my pants ripped from taint to pooper. So much for a favorite pair of pants! This was going to make us even later. I ran in and changed pants, ran out and squeezed back into the car. Someday I'm going to be tall and skinny and such things will not concern me.

We get to the theater, Steph suggested that she get out and buy tickets while I parked. She said "Owie! Owie! Owie!" as she got out. Sitting for four hours of movies suddenly became a very bad idea.

She got back in the car and we headed to the store. We bought frozen burger patties and kosher dogs and whole grain buns. I grilled them up. I put two patties on one bun and two dogs on another bun. Sure, it was carbs, but if you have to have bread, it was the best way to go!

Dinner was marinated chicken over salad. Dessert was a can of fruit cocktail in Splenda. There were nuts for a snack.

Food was a win. Activities and clothes were a total loss!

A Good Saturday

2009-01-17T23:32:00.000-08:00

I hung out with my friends most of the day. Days like this are usually filled with tons of sugar and junk food. Today was not.

Breakfast was fried eggs, ham and cheese. Lunch was some pork. Dinner was roasted chicken left overs. I had some canned peaches (in Splenda) and sugar free pudding for a treat. My portions were probably over large, but considering I didn't down a dozen donuts or a bag of cookies - as I usually would - it's a win.

I'm hoping that all of this begins to add up and show up on the scale. We shall soon see - weigh in is on Monday, even if it is a holiday.

Dee-Light

2009-01-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

Breakfast was an omelet. Lunch was a salad and some baked chicken. I ate an apple and some nuts for a snack.

Dinner was fun. We got Dee-Light pizzas from Papa Murphy's. I ate a salad and only had five out of eight pieces. Low carb and a bit of a treat. I've earned it!

Not a bad week. I think I'll be much more "on" this weekend than last!